You Are What You Believe

June 14, 2010

By definition, a belief is a principle accepted as true without proof.  A beliefs is a thought or idea that we do not question – most of the time we are not even aware of them either.  Our beliefs are the most powerful force that govern our attitudes, outlook and actions.  They are nurtured  and formed by our culture, religion, upbringing, society, teachers as well as every influencing factor in our surrounding environment.  The media, our boss, family and social phrases such as “ Mondays are always horrible” tend to have a far more influencing effect than we’d like to admit.  After all our unconscious mind is just like a 3 year old child that does not negate.  It accepts everything it hears.  In fact for the next 5 seconds think of anything other than a white tiger.  Chances are you already thought of a white tiger.  For our mind to identify what not to do, it must first process what that “it” exactly is.

Phrases such as: “I’m horrible at maths”, “I never win anything” or “I’m a horrible dancer” may sound trivial, but if repeated enough, evolve into a belief, then a behaviour.  So one will grow to be convinced that they cannot add, and avoid balancing their cheque books, or never even consider dancing because they’re afraid of embarrassing themselves.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with believing in a variety of things.  Some believe in God, others don’t, some believe in vegetarianism, others don’t.  After all, it is a free world, and we have the right to live our lives as we wish.  The issue that needs to be examined here is not beliefs in general, but beliefs that limit the human ability and nurture fear within the minds of very capable people out there. This is where a belief becomes a limiting belief, and only then prevents individuals from maximising their potential in order to achieve their goals.

What we choose to believe about the world and ourselves determines the quality of life we have.  Our beliefs dictate how well we perform, interact, grow our businesses and  spot opportunities.  Ironically, what we believe has a greater affect on us than the truths that surround us.  Unfortunately, we also tend to take on board other people’s beliefs such as relatives, friends, colleagues at work,  not to mention the media with what it tactfully feeds us through their catchy headlines and Hollywood like news reporting.  The truth has almost become veiled in layers of opinion that we no longer see clearly. The truth of the matter is that we are all amazing creatures with infinite potential that’s just aching to come out.  Sadly, most of the time our limiting beliefs prevent that side from flourishing and growing.

I recently had a client who was convinced that he would not be considered for the upcoming promotion  at the company he worked for because of his ethnic background.  After careful probing, he admitted that he acquired this limiting belief from his much older father who was naturally of a different generation.  As soon as he let go of this belief, his eyes lit up, his posture improved and came to realise that he had exactly what this upcoming position required – if not more !  When it was time for his appraisal, he presented a side no one in the office had ever seen.  A side that demonstrated vision, ambition, determination and confidence.  Much to his surprise at the end, he was promoted to this senior position and is now a much freer individual who accesses his vast potential on a daily bases.

The internal representation of the outside world we make to ourselves is greatly influenced by our beliefs.  Our limiting beliefs are just like filters that disallow opportunities and positive signals from the world around us to penetrate our minds and expose us to the wonders around.  And before we know it, we’re missing out on so much that we could be benefiting from, or acting on.

Most of the time, our greatest fear is failure.  We tend to believe that we will fail at something even if there is no evidence to back that up.  When Christopher Columbus set sail for the other side – did he fear failure?  When Mahatma Ghandi stood against the biggest empire of that time, did he fear failure?  The answer to both questions is an obvious NO.  What kept them going is their beliefs.  Their main objective was to achieve what they believed in.  No soul on earth could have altered their faith in themselves, nor could anyone discourage them from their path.  Failure to them was  non existent.  Let’s look at that statement for a second – failure to them was non existent.  Perhaps that is true, after all what is failure other than a bad result that you’d avoid on the next attempt.  People generally try doing something once, twice maybe even three times then quit.  Perseverance and determination are what make dreams come true, in other words the belief in ourselves.  Would have Alexander the great ploughed into the east and west to expand his empire if he didn’t believe in his vision? Clearly not.  Naturally, it is all a matter of perspective, it is how we view the world around us.  Reality is a rather funny thing.  There never really is one reality, but a variety of them that simultaneously exist together.  Let’s look at a well known city such as London for a minute.  Some may say it’s a very cruel and lonely city with rude people, some may say that it’s a very cultured and historically rich city with lots to offer.  Some may say that it’s a filthy crime infested city with poor air quality,  and others may say it’s the most happening city in the world with one of the biggest financial markets on this globe – opportunities are everywhere!   Every statement can be true, or real, but it simply is a matter of perspective.  The key is to focus on the perspective that can help you achieve the right attitude in order to move forward in what you wish to do.

If I want to start my own business in London, and then begin feeding my mind language that depresses me about the people around me, the crime rate and pollution – I’ll probably not go very far with my goals.  On the other hand, if I was to focus on what huge potential I am surrounded by, not to mention the purchasing power of the market around me – I will be far more determined and eager to achieve the success level I want.  This brings us back to whether the glass is half empty or half full.  Research has proven to us that the key to success comes down to attitude.  This reminds me of something Thomas Jefferson once said: ” Nothing can stop a man [or Woman] with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal ; nothing on earth can help a man [or Woman] with the wrong mental attitude”. How many successful achievers do you know of out there who made it through doubt, fear, negativity or limiting beliefs that ignite self-sabotage?  Attitude is the result of your beliefs, so if you believe you’re a loser who’s going to fall flat on his face every time you decide to achieve anything – you probably will.  We determine the result in our minds before we even take the first step.  When I asked a client of mine once how he painted so well, he simply said “I see it in my mind clearly, then I allow my hand to be the vessel of transport that brings out what I see in my mind”.  This is a similar analogy to what most successful people have said throughout history.  They tend to visualise what exactly it is they want and maintain strong focus on their goal as they jump every hurdle along the way.  Even if they fall over and over again, the determination fuelled by both attitude and self-belief keeps them on their path until they achieve their desired goal.  Another way to look at this is to imagine a flight that has just left Heathrow airport for New York.  Along the way it will face high pressure weather patches, stormy clouds and other aircrafts in its path; but in order to reach it’s destination successfully it constantly adjusts its course and altitude to reach New York with ease.   The same applies to achieving success.  Flexibility is a key ingredient that must be practiced in order to overcome obstacles and dodge mishaps along the way.  As Confucius once said: “Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall”.  Achiever everywhere have had to fall a number of times before they completed what they were out to do.  Falls or bad results are simply lessons that teach us what does not work, it is vital to be flexible enough and learn from them rather than get discouraged.

Refining your external dialogue with people around you is not enough, it is paramount that you clean the language you feed yourself in order to shift your beliefs.  Beliefs come to exist because we have habitually repeated a thought, statement or perspective to ourselves over and over again.  After all, we’re all creatures of habit and we stick to the familiar even if it’s hurting us and preventing us from moving ahead.  Before we know it we have unconsciously conditioned our thinking.  However we reach a point of breakthrough in our lives when we realise that our way of life is actually harming us, and limiting us.  It is at this moment of breakthrough that we consciously decide to alter out path.  When a battered wife runs out of her marriage and never looks back, or when a heavy smoker throwers their pack in the bin and never touches another cigarette  are both clear evidence that when we take a dedicated conscious decision to change, we override the programming we have done for years.  This re-programming does not require an astronomical amount of effort, just a small shift that takes places within our belief system.  This shift is similar to the small switches in a huge shipping tanker that leaves Portsmouth for Miami.  Once the small switches in the control room are moved ever so slightly, the destination will shift to Venezuela.

The pre-requisite to identifying one’s limiting belief successfully is honesty with one’s self.  To begin with ask yourself what it is you wish to achieve, in other words what’s your goal?  It could be anything, whether losing a stone, starting your own business or meeting your targets at your sales job.  Write down your goal on a clean sheet of paper.  Look at what you’ve written, make sure it’s a realistic goal.  What I mean by realistic is that if you’re a restaurant manager today, and your goal is to buy a Beverly Hills mansion in 12 months – chances are you won’t achieve that unless you win the lottery.  Keep it realistic and doable.  Next, ask yourself the following questions and answer after careful processing and honesty with yourself.

1)     What’s stopping me from achieving this goal ?

2)     Where did this belief come from ?

3)     Who gave you this belief ?

4)     How do you feel about that person? Do you regard them highly and respect them?

5)     What does this belief do for you?

6)     What is this belief costing you?

7)     How will your life be different if you were to let go of this limiting belief?

8)     What concrete evidence do you have to back this belief ?

9)     What is the positive intention behind keeping this limiting belief ?

10) How else can you satisfy this positive intention without relying on this limiting belief ?

These 10 questions are designed to help identify limiting beliefs and their roots to help you gain the clarity you need in order to understand how you’ve come to believe what you do.  Just because we’re hearing about terrorism on the media more than ever before, some people unconsciously have started to believe that all Muslims are evil terrorists.  The simple reason behind this is that our minds tend to generalise circumstances in order to process situations better.  We hear and see things on a daily bases that bombard our unconscious mind with new information.  In order to successfully process such a vast amount of new information the unconscious mind generalizes, distorts and deletes some of that in order to process it more efficiently.  I was recently in a restaurant with a client of mine, and Tom Cruise walked in with some friends.  My client turned around and commented on his vertically challenged stature. I smiled and recalled that our unconscious mind distorts a lot of the information it receives.  Tom has always been this height throughout his career, we just see him bigger than his true size. We also delete and leave out a lot of information.  A person may give you directions to a destination and leave out many pieces of information that another person might include, and vice versa.

Since this is how our mind works, it is important to make a conscious effort and look at things with new perspectives in order to make the most of our world.  So, just because we unsuccessfully attempted a task or goal once, and we felt emotionally bad about it,  our mind generalises this experience by associating pain with it.  Naturally, we start to avoid a second, third or fourth attempt because we believe that we won’t succeed at it.  We believe this because of how our minds work.  It is at this point that we need to challenge ourselves and eliminate failure from our vocabulary.  As mentioned earlier, it is a matter of perspective and in order to learn helpful lessons we must look at successful people and see how they overcame the hurdles they faced.  They merely saw setbacks as lesson, and not failure.  As Richard Branson once said: “ I have learned more from my failures that my successes”.  It is crucial that we persevere with determination and gusto and not doubt ourselves.  Self-belief must come from within, and it can only be achieved once you cleanse your self from the limiting beliefs you’ve piled on over the years.

Copyright © 2005 Positive Health Magazine

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The Power of Belief

June 14, 2010

By definition, a belief is a principle accepted as true or real without proof or concrete evidence. However, a coach’s understanding of a belief is much deeper and different than an average person. A belief is a thought and idea that people do not question – some may not even be aware of them at all. So how on earth do beliefs take shape? How do we believe certain things over others? The answer is quite simple really. Beliefs are shaped by a variety of forces, forces such as our parents and family, religion, socio-economic background, education, the friends we socialize with, teachers, the media and our cultural background to name but a few. What is a belief? Simply a repeated thought that evolves into a belief then manifests itself into behaviour. Phrases such as : All Muslims are terrorists, Oh I’m a terrible presenter, my will power is hopeless, Mondays are always horrible, or I’m a loser are all phrases we pick up from the world around us. The fascinating thing is that the human unconscious mind is like an innocent little child that does not negate – everything it hears gets stored. Don’t believe me ? Try this:

Whatever you do in the next 5 seconds – DO NOT think of a GREEN EGG. Don’t ! Think of anything but a GREEN EGG … .. I’m willing to bet vital parts of my anatomy that you already thought of a GREEN EGG.!

This is how absorbing and uncontrollable your unconscious mind is. Our beliefs are the most powerful force that govern our attitudes, outlook and actions. A belief can be such a powerful thing that it can affect our posture, mannerism, motivation as well as our work performance, and relationships. You may pass by the magazine isle at the supermarket, and your visual mind gets bombarded by images of size 8 women with flawless skin that has been digitally enhanced and air-brushed. Or you may be driving and think of balancing your cheque book, then remember a time in your math class when the teacher embarrassed you with a harsh comment when you answered a question wrong. These two example can sound rather trivial, but if you focus on them long enough, and repeat them to yourself often, you will grow to BELIEVE that the way a beautiful woman must look is like that model on the magazine, and that you cannot add 7+4 ! The really frightening thing is that some beliefs are so strong that they influence our lives to the point of misery. Negative beliefs result in limiting beliefs that greatly influence our potential and performance in a variety of areas, not to mention self-esteem, relationships, stress and ambitions we brush under the rug because we fear failure. Fear of failure (which in my experience is the root of all underachievement) is a sad result of limiting beliefs. We avoid attempting our dreams because we believe we’re not good enough. Going back to my first paragraph, a belief is a principle accepted as true or real without proof or concrete evidence.

Unfortunately, most people are oblivious to their limiting beliefs, they carry on doing the same thing, but expecting different outcomes when the core issue is their own repeated pattern of thinking that governs their actions. This reminds me of a client I once had who for purpose of confidentiality I shall refer to him as Mr. Red. Mr. Red was an extremely educated and well seasoned gentleman who never asked for a raise, nor did he ever strive to earn more than what he deserved. As our sessions progressed, he came to realize that he believed that an abundance of money was not Catholically sound, and that due to his strict religious upbringing he viewed too much money as evil. Naturally, we worked on this limiting belief, and he now views abundance of money as a chance to provide for his loving family, community and the charities he was involved in. He is now much happier with himself, and his abilities.

In a way, beliefs are the little switches in the control room of a huge shipping tanker. If you were to give them a little turn, your destination can change from Miami to Rio De Janeiro. The same applies to ones everyday limiting beliefs, if one is to re-examine them through effective questioning, one can make grand changes to the quality of their lives and their unlimited potential.

In my next article I shall provide you with tools and techniques that can help you evaluate and liberate yourself from your limiting beliefs, and start living a freer life that can bring out your true potential. After all, as George Bernard Shaw once said: “Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself”.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

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Changing Your Beliefs

June 14, 2010

We previously looked at how our beliefs are shaped and how powerful our limiting beliefs can be in preventing us from achieving our desired goals. Let us take a closer look at how we pile on these limiting beliefs and how we can get rid of them.

As the old saying goes: “The pen is mightier than the sword” couldn’t be more accurate; words can ignite or extinguish our feelings of guilt, shame, weakness, joy, excitement, love or motivation. Words are a collection of letters that simply formulate a name or meaning. However, the power that words have on our conscious as well as unconscious mind can be quite underestimated. Words such as: Sicily, Mondays or Divorce may have totally different meanings to different people. To some, Sicily may mean a beautiful island with rich history and fantastic food, whereas to someone else – organized crime. Likewise, Mondays may mean the start of the working week and lots of work to some people, but to most hairdressers, it’s their day off. Divorce, may ignite feelings of liberation for some, and to others – heartache. It is our experiences that make us think a certain way. Our experiences include our upbringing, education, social life and even the friends we socialize with. It is our experiences that mould our beliefs into what we are. Our beliefs are the windows we see the world through. Naturally as time goes by, this window gets smudged and may very well influence our outlook on the world we live in. This does not mean that we are not capable of seeing clearly, it simply means that we have the power and capability to cleans our beliefs from time to time.

As a species we are only born with two natural instinct: a) Our reaction to a laude bang (or sound) and b) Our reflex when we fall. Everything else is learned. We learn to adapt to our culture, we learn and develop our values that give weight and importance to different things around us and we also learn to limit ourselves. This limitation is an accumulation of things we hear and see in the world around us that make us feel a certain way. If you’re 14 years old and you come home with an “F” in history, and the immediate comment you hear is: “You stupid lazy idiot” from a parent or sibling ; your unconscious mind will store that and accept it – remember that your unconscious does not negate. Or the way the media systematically bombards you with horrible headlines such as “Woman Stabbed Two Blocks From Her Home ! “ install fear in your heart and drain your gusto for life. We grow to think and behave the way we do because we learn to think and behave the way we do. So when we run into a very insecure man who lacks the confidence to look people in the eye, we have to realize that this man was not born this way. He simply learned that he’s unworthy and small from the world he lives in. He probably was a very loving, happy and positive young man one day, but through his experiences and exposures he simply shrunk into believing his worth. The result of this behaviour is his belief. And as mentioned above, our beliefs take shape based on the outside influences that shape our outlook. Our beliefs dictate how well we perform, interact, grow our businesses and spot opportunities. Ironically, what we believe has a greater affect on us than the truths that surround us, and this is precisely why we see very attractive people who believe that they aren’t. They lose more weight, they have more plastic surgeries and buy the latest fashion in order to convince themselves that they are sexy. All they really need to do is change their beliefs. On the other hand there are lots of extremely confident, charming and well spoken people who have an excellent sense of humour who aren’t necessarily endowed with facial beauty, but they are described as sexy and attractive by their opposite gender.

Our beliefs govern the quality of our lives. It is our beliefs that can propel us into achievements and successes, or hold us back. The great news is that since beliefs are learned, they can be unlearned, and re-learned in new ways. A beliefs can be so powerful that they can actually influence our bodily reactions. Think of Shaolin Monks who lie on sharp spears, think of people with multiple personality disorder who can shift from person to person convincingly using their body, tone of voice and preferences. The power of human potential and limitation lies within the beliefs that they have learned.

Our unconscious has an unbelievable amount of information to deal with every minute – 2,000,000 pieces of information to be exact. As such, it creates filters to sift through all that is coming in, in order to process information more efficiently. Thus the unconscious mind deletes, distorts and generalizes some of the many information that it has to process. So when Mr.X wants to give directions to someone else, he may leave some information out that that Mr.Y might have included, or vice versa – deletion. I recently had client of mine who saw Tom Cruise and was shocked to find him so vertically challenged. Now we all know that Mr. Cruise hadn’t shrunk, my client simply became aware of how she distorted the information that she saw on film. Moreover, If you travel to Greece and have a horrid time, chances are you’ll avoid Greece on your next holidays. Reason being is that your unconscious mind generalizes to protect you from a possible repeat experience. This is exactly why when some people try once or twice and get a bad result, they give up because their unconscious mind associated that task to bad emotions. They simply focused on the short term outcome rather than the goal in mind, or the belief in their vision.

The perspective we use determines the outcome of out actions, and our perspectives can sometimes limit us as they are co-dependent on out beliefs. This brings us back to whether the glass is half full or half empty. Reality is a rather funny thing, as there never really is just one reality. Some may say that London is an overpriced city with rude people and terrible air quality. Others may say that London is a very vibrant city with lots to do and opportunities on tap. It is the reality we choose to focus on that can influence our beliefs either positively or negatively. If I am about to start my own business in London, and start to feed myself contaminated language about the city; chance are that I won’t be very motivated and fired up to get my business very far. On the other hand, if I continually remind myself about the vast opportunities that exist around me, my outlook will shift. Remember, clean language = clean beliefs.

The pre-requisite to identifying one’s limiting belief successfully is honesty with one’s self. To begin with ask yourself what it is you wish to achieve, in other words what’s your goal? It could be anything, whether losing a stone, starting your own business or meeting your targets at your sales job. Write down your goal on a clean sheet of paper. Look at what you’ve written, make sure it’s a realistic goal. What I mean by realistic is that if you’re a restaurant manager today, and your goal is to buy a Beverly Hills mansion in 12 months – chances are you won’t achieve that unless you win the lottery. Keep it realistic and doable. Next, ask yourself the following questions and answer after careful processing and honesty with yourself. Remember, no one is judging your answers, and nor should you. Simply allow the answers to flow and let the awareness occur with ease rather than resentment.

What’s stopping me from achieving this goal ?

Where did this belief come from ?

Who gave you this belief ?

How do you feel about that person? Do you regard them highly and respect them?

What does this belief do for you?

What is this belief costing you?

How will your life be different if you were to let go of this limiting belief?

What concrete evidence do you have to back this belief ?

What is the positive intention behind keeping this limiting belief ?

How else can you satisfy this positive intention without relying on this limiting belief ?

These 10 questions are designed to help identify limiting beliefs and their roots to help you gain the clarity you need in order to understand how you’ve come to believe what you do. Just because you’ve been believing something for years doesn’t make it true, nor should you hold on to it for purposes of habit. It is habit that has been holding you back, and it is habit that nurtures your limiting belief. To achieve this simple change, you must be determined and take the decision to change as quick as you order a Lasagne in a restaurant. A decision can happen in a fraction of a moment and place you on a new path to winning – and “winning always starts with beginning”.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

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More Brain Juice Please

June 14, 2010

The human brain is such a fascinating and complex organ, that the scientific world is still studying it.  Through the years of research, it has come to light that there are three very important neurochemicals in the brain that help the millions of neurons connect and communicate better so that we can think and process thoughts more efficiently.  These chemicals are serotonin, dopamine and endorphins; what us Neuro Linguistic Programmers call brain juice.  In a recent study, it was found that people who have been diagnosed with clinical depression tend to have low levels of all the three chemicals mentioned above.  Unfortunately, most sad and depressed people end up with increased amounts of Cortisol in their body which can interfere with the function of neurotransmitters.  Excessive Cortisol in your brain can also make it difficult to retrieve long-term memory, in other words the functioning of the brain slows down and becomes polluted.  Some studies have also linked too much Cortisol to the stiffening of the arteries, thus increasing the risk of a heart attack.

Luckily, there is great news.  By incorporating some fun and interesting changes to your daily life, you CAN change how you feel by the chemicals your brain can naturally create.  The brain reacts to the emotions we feel, and some of these emotions are hard wired to the physiological changes we go through.  For example, it is very challenging to think sad thoughts while our posture is upright, or when we put on a huge fake smile.  I won’t be the first to tell you that the mind and body work as one.  Just recall the last time you went for a long walk, a swim or a jog – did you feel down and depressed afterwards ?  Of course not, the simple reason is that your brain produced endorphins during your exercise (endorphins are the bodies natural opiates that make you feel good).

One of the reasons we love eating chocolate or indulge in retail therapy is because such behaviour automatically signals to the brain that you are enjoying yourself, so the brain starts to release serotonin – also known as the happy hormone.  This is precisely why we become chocoholics and shopaholics – our brains create a link to behaviours that make it feel good resulting in a habit that is not always in our best interest.

So here’s what you CAN do in order to improve your life, create better moods and most importantly, manage and perhaps successfully overcome those times when you are in the doldrums.

1)     Start exercising for at least 20 minutes a day.  Exercise does not have to be painful and strenuous, it can be anything from a nice swim, a morning walk to work, using the stairs in stead of the elevator and even making love to your beloved is a form of exercise.   This way you kick start your body and your brain into producing endorphins.  Look at the bright side, you’ll also lose some weight and get fit.

2)     Deliberately force yourself to smile and laugh as often as you can, even if it feels artificial.  You can try sticking smiley faces all around your house, car and work place, so that you’ll remember to smile every time your eye meets these stickers.

3)     Go on a negativity fast by only watching comedy films and sitcoms.  Fish for programs, people, magazine articles and situations that force you to laugh.

4)      Look into your nutrition.  There have been lots of research that link bad nutrition to mood swings and depression.  The latest research shows that a diet with increased fatty acids such as Omega 3 and 6 can contribute to better brain functioning and moods. Do your homework and improve your diet.

By incorporating the above 5 steps into your life for at least 2-3 weeks, you may begin to notice some powerful shifts and changes in how you feel.  In order for the brain to function well, be alert, think fast and connect thoughts more efficiently – it needs the necessary chemicals to help it.  The human body is a magnificent entity that can heal itself though its own ingrained programming.  The key is to use it well by adjusting our lives in order to allow nature to do its magic.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

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Are YOU Worth It ?

June 14, 2010

One of the most powerful underlying forces that determine the quality of our lives is self worth.  Self worth is literally the value or worth that we as individuals place on ourselves.  Over the years I have helped countless clients who on the surface seem to lack the comforts needed to be happy.  However, a slight scratch of that very surface reveals that the real problem is low self worth and ultimately an avid dislike of themselves.  Low self worth is why some women stay in abusive relationships, low self-worth is why some corporate executives never aim to get the promotion they so desire and low self worth is why some people self-sabotage whenever a good thing happens to them.

I recently had a client, lets call her Katie.  Katie was an educated working woman who had a stream of unsatisfactory relationships with men.  She always blamed herself for making the wrong choices and was convinced that it was always her fault when the relationship broke down.  In fact, Katie was the type of woman who was always so grateful for having a boyfriend at all.  The men she dated inevitably treated her very poorly, yet she let it happen and accepted their behaviour toward her without question.  Even her appearance was a reflection of someone who didn’t really care about herself.  The problem with Katie was that she was sending out the wrong message.  A message of low self worth which set the benchmark on how ‘Katie’ wished to be treated.  Since communication is a two way stream, people will always treat you the way you treat yourself.

Low self worth is the unfortunate product of past experiences that can go back to childhood.  How a teacher put you down in fifth grade, how a parent always criticised your every effort or the ever popular bullying from your class mates.  Such experiences tend to resonate in the unconscious mind and create the low self worth we’re exploring here, not to mention limiting beliefs that hold you back. (See: You Are What You Believe article).  Such painful experiences contribute greatly to how we live our lives later in adulthood.  We tend to grasp a sense of our identity from our surrounding, even if our surrounding is absolutely false and corrupt.  The human unconscious cannot negate, it believes everything it hears.  A famous example among NLP’ers to test this claim is: “In the next 10 seconds, do NOT think of a Pink Elephant”.

What happens to us through unpleasant experiences is that we start to believe that we are not worth what we truly are, and do not deserve to achieve anything good for ourselves.  Moreover, our internal dialogue becomes the villain we so hate, thus the process of self-hypnosis kicks in and alters our beliefs and behaviour.  The symptoms of low self worth are many, and among the most extreme are eating disorders.  In a world that dictates to us what is beautiful and what is not, our self image and worth is becoming diluted to the point of confusion and pain.

What sadly happens is that individuals tend to put themselves down, refuse to stand up for themselves and sacrifice their most basic right of self respect and dignity in fear of being judged and labelled as egotistical.  The ‘ego’ self is merely the individual self, and there is nothing wrong with nurturing the ego every once in a while.  Being an insecure show off on the other hand is a totally different matter.

If you reflect high self worth, you will attract respect, admiration and credibility in everything you do and say – and vice-versa.  Just because we behave a certain way that dissatisfies us, we don’t have to carry on doing the same thing.  Behaviour is something that can be easily changed once awareness takes place, which incidentally reminds me of what Carl Jung once said: “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become”.

There is light to seek, and changes to make.  Here are some simple yet powerful questions that I have borrowed from Fiona Harrold.  Answer them honestly and briefly.  The following questions are designed to help you gain awareness of how you are living.  The very first step to any form of change is awareness.

  • How do I rate my self-worth on a scale of 0 to 100?

  • If my rate is less than 100, the 3 reasons why this is so are:

  • What exactly stops me from liking myself more?

  • What are 3 ways that I hold myself back through not having enough belief in myself?

  • What are the 3 things that I do to be liked by others and feel likable?

  • What 3 things do I tolerate or put up with in my life?

  • For what 3 things do I blame or resent myself?

  • In what 3 ways do I punish myself?

As a species, we are easily amenable to countless influences that we are subjected to in our daily lives, including our society, religion, upbringing, friends and the media.  The great news is, we CAN change for the better.  Let me finish off with what the eighteenth century philosopher Voltaire once said:

“Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.”  Even to yourself!!!

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

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It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want To Be

June 14, 2010

The best way to describe Paul Arden is a creative genius who’s common sense is quite uncommon.  He’s the creative mind behind: ‘The car in front is a Toyota’ and ‘The Independent – it is. Are You ?’. Having been in advertising for over 18 years, he’s finally decided to share his way of thinking with the world.

In his book, It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want To Be, he not only covers areas that are compatible with advertising, self help, attitude improvement and general motivation; he writes and illustrates in a way that is engaging and fun to read – two ingredients any NLPer out there can appreciate.  It’s a manual on maximising what you have and aiming for what you can achieve.  Its size allows you to keep it in your briefcase and handbag with ease, so that you can come back to it time and time again.  This is not a book you read once and leave aside to mature on a shelf.  It’s a companion that reminds you of the simplicity, logic and creativity that we can use to answer everyday questions and dilemmas.

If you’re a graduate, or a CEO, a coach or just a person who’s lost the wind in their sail – this book can add life changing insight to your perspective.  At an easy 125 pocket sized pages, this is a small gem of a book of priceless value.  Get it !

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

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Generation Phobia?

June 14, 2010

Generation Phobia?

By definition, a phobia is an irrational and excessive fear of something or a situation.  As I’ve mentioned before, there are only two instincts that we are born with: 1) Our sudden reaction to a loud BANG, or sound; and 2) Our immediate effort to regain balance when we fall or stumble.  Everything else is learned from our environment, and naturally this includes phobias.

Something that truly amazed me years ago, is when I found out that when the movie Jaws came out in 1975, people who were hundreds of miles away from the ocean were suddenly afraid of taking a bath.  Though it sounds ridiculous, when our unconscious (or imagination) gets infected with overwhelming fear, it generalises that fear and generates it into a phobia as a defence mechanism.  This results in extreme irrational and life altering phobias.  They are considered to be irrational because it all happens in our very creative imagination which is irrelevant to actual reality.  As the old saying goes, imagination is far more powerful than will power.

The great news is that since phobias are learned, they can be unlearned.  Thanks to Neuro Linguistic Programming and Thought Field Therapy, most phobias can be cured today within an hour.  These are two mind technologies that I regularly use, which have had positive life altering results for many of my Clients.  In fact, I recently helped a Client who had a terrible fear of flying and here are her words after her flights:

“Just landed Taymour, the flight was much more pleasurable than usual.  What a difference, thank you !”  [Flying Phobia - outbound]

“Another enjoyable flight, can’t believe it ! Thanks again” [Flying Phobia - inbound]

All that shift in less than an hour.  Here’s what another Client with severe Claustrophobia said after a 20 minute session:

“I was so completely overwhelmed that a problem I had suffered from on a daily basis for 17 years could be cured in 10 minutes.  After leaving you my children had 4 rides in the lift with their mum, something they had never done before Saturday, in their lives!!! I can not thank you enough.”

Times have surely changed, and severe phobias that have held us back from progress and happiness can be cured in an hour.  As recently demonstrated by Paul McKenna on GMTV (whom I assist on his seminars).

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now and free yourself, or a loved one from their phobias.

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

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Love Pain & Thought Field Therapy

June 11, 2010

Written by : Dr. Colin M. Barron – © 2006.  One of only 14 TFT Voice Technology practitioners in the world. Dr. Barron is also a qualified medical doctor, a hypnotist, an NLP Practitioner and a published author.

“Love pain” is the commonest psychological trauma and probably affects millions of people in the UK at any given time. It is a universal experience . Listen to the lyrics of  most popular songs and you will find that this distressing condition is one of the most common topics. It has also inspired numerous plays, books and films.

“Love pain” is really just the same as any other trauma in terms of its symptoms . In fact it can be  considered as a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The symptoms are anxiety, depression, insomnia and constant rumination about what went wrong in the relationship.   Some sufferers find they think constantly about the person they have lost while others discover  that they cannot imagine what their lost lover looks like – a phenomenon which is due to repression of the mental pain.

Many  sufferers, especially females,  turn to  “comfort eating” while others lose their appetite. In the worst cases sufferers commit suicide in an attempt to relieve their mental anguish.

Although losing a lover may not appear to be objectively the worst thing that can happen to an individual, the level of mental pain can actually be worse than following a bereavement.

Most people get over their symptoms in a few weeks while others take months or even years. There are even cases in which people never really get over the trauma and are still having symptoms 30 years later. Love pain can sometimes be the catalyst which triggers more serious mental illness such as agoraphobia and chronic depression.

Until the advent of Thought Field Therapy (TFT) there was no effective treatment for love pain and sufferers simply had to grin and bear it. However TFT can relieve symptoms in minutes. In some cases only a single treatment is required but if the relationship is not totally over and the patient is being continually re-traumatized then the treatment sequence may have to be repeated.

Dr Roger Callahan ,inventor of TFT. is also an expert on relationships and love pain and has written books on this subject. He also believes that untreated love pain can lead to a condition called amourophobia – literally a phobia or fear of further relationships. According to Callahan amourophobia is actually the commonest phobia. Amourophobia sufferers – usually female – will often sabotage their own relationships when they start to get serious in an attempt to avoid the pain and hurt of a future rejection.

CASE HISTORY No 1

Helen, a 29 year old single parent from Edinburgh, broke up with her boyfriend Tom three years ago. Since then her weight has ballooned  due to comfort eating and is she is now 5 stone overweight. Recently Helen attended a lecture / demonstration on Thought Field Therapy by Dr Colin Barron,who works at Glasgow’s Nuffield Hospital.

Towards the end of the evening Dr Barron asked for volunteers from the audience to come forward  for treatment and Helen put up her hand. She explained that she could not stop eating and even ate when she wasn’t hungry. Dr Barron immediately asked her if she had suffered a trauma in the past few years. She broke down sobbing as she explained how she had split up with her boyfriend and could not get him out of her mind.

Dr Barron then asked her to rate her level of mental  distress on a scale of 1 to 10. It was a 10.  Dr Barron then took Helen through a tapping sequence designed to relieve trauma symptoms. Within 7 minutes Helen’s anxiety had vanished and she was down to a  1 on the 1-10 scale. At this point she broke into a smile and laughed ,”I  am not thinking about him any more. I can’t believe it,” she said as the astonished audience broke into applause. Dr Barron then treated her comfort eating with another tapping sequence.

Helen is now eating normally and the pounds are coming off.

CASE HISTORY No 2

Alison, a 37 year old businesswoman from  Falkirk, was devastated when her husband left her for a younger woman recently.  She found it hard to sleep at night and when she did she had nightmares She  couldn’t concentrate at  work and she felt anxious and depressed. One day she even had a panic attack while driving .

She went to her G. P.  who put her on a 2 week course of sleeping tablets and  was referred to a clinical psychologist – but there was a 2 month waiting time for an appointment.

One day ,in desperation, she made an appointment to see Dr Colin Barron who works as a medically qualified hypnotherapist at Glasgow’s Nuffield Hospital. When she arrived for her appointment Dr Barron explained that she would be treated with a technique called Thought Field Therapy which is faster and more effective than hypnosis.

Within 10 minutes of starting treatment Alison felt much calmer. After treating the trauma of the break up, Dr Barron then gave her a treatment for depression which worked in minutes.

At the next appointment Alison was symptom – free. She was sleeping well and was no longer plagued by nightmares and panic attacks. She also reported that she had started dating again.

“ It is hard to believe that such a dramatic change could occur so quickly,” she said. “My G.P. was very sympathetic but there was really nothing he could do to help me. Thought Field Therapy has given me my life back!”.

Contact Details for Dr Barron

Website : www.colinbarron.co.uk

E Mail : colin.barron@ukonline.co.uk

Telephone : 01786 821019

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Frame It Well

June 11, 2010

”A problem well stated is a problem half solved”. Charles Kettering.

One of the quickest and most powerful ways to change a negative pattern of thinking is to change its context in such a way that it becomes comical or even positive. This NLP concept is called Re-Framing. In other words, change the frame and the picture will also change. We hear this all the time in everyday conversation – “Look at the bright side….” Or “Well, at least you don’t have to…..” and “…I know, just bare in mind that it could have been worse.”

The best way I can explain this is to ask you to think of a situation or something that discomforts you slightly. Now, take a few moments and challenge yourself gently to focus on another facet of the situation. A facet that may direct your mind in new avenues that can change your state for the better. A great reminder is the old debate whether the glass is half full or half empty.

I recently had a Client who absolutely and utterly despised her son-in-law. She feels that he is a square peg in the round hole that is her small and close knit family. She passionately expressed her anger at the fact that whenever he comes over for a visit, he eats the meal he is cooked and then he plants himself into her (my Client’s) favourite chair and naps. She then went on and on at her dismay and anxiety about the upcoming Christmas dinner. She was so focused and tense that I immediately resorted to re-framing to change her hard wired thinking.

I smiled and replied: “…..he may sit in your favourite chair and doze off, but at least you don’t have to talk to him which I’m sure is a nice thought for you. Better still, you can hang out with your daughter and your grandchildren by the fire place and have some laughs and have them all to yourself without him interrupting.” Not only did her overall state improve, but she started giggling from the belly and appreciated my point.


It’s very easy to get tangled up into a one way stream of thinking that can ruin your day and prevent you from taking notice of the positive angles, however small, that the situation presents. I can go on and turn this article into an academic and frankly boring explanation, but I’d rather not. Let me finish off with some examples that can help you appreciate what re-framing can do.

1)“I got laid off from work last week.”

“Well, at least you can add the experience to your CV which can make it easier getting a better job.”

2) “Winter’s here and it’s getting cold again”.

“Yeah, it gives us a great change to dress up and look smarter.”

3) “My boss has given me so much work to do this week…”

“Well, he must have a lot of faith in you.”

Thought is energy, and it’s best to change your negative thoughts right away before they turn into words and then actions. You may begin to realise that by re-framing some thoughts in the coming days, you can change your outlook and feel better. 

“Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.”

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

Learn how to improve your thought patterns. ”One of the quickest and most powerful ways to change a negative pattern of thinking is to change its context in such a way that it becomes comical or even positive.  This NLP concept is called Re-Framing.”  Read more…
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Would You Pass The Coffee Jar Test?

June 11, 2010

Amanda Wise – A qualified Life Coach & NLP Practitioner who specialises in career coaching, work life balance, parenting and stress management.  Amanda also runs seminars and workshops on various self development topics.  © 2006

A wonderful visual trick I have used in a few of my talks and seminars is the “coffee jar test” – have you heard of it?  I start by emptying all the coffee granules out of the jar. Then I fill the jar with “rocks” by which I mean decent sized stones, right up to the top.

Most people agree at this point that the jar is full. But then out comes a bag of tiny little stones, which can be dropped in and around the “rocks”, right up to the top.

Most people agree again now that the jar is full But then the fun part involves putting most of the coffee granules back in the jar. It’s amazing how many of them fit in. Just when you thought the jar was full, you can fit in more tiny little “bits” – sometimes I use sand to make it less messy!

The fascinating thing is that this is a very good illustration of how we fill our lives. Far too often we fill our lives with “sand” – you know the everyday “stuff” we all have to do, like checking our e-mails, the dash into town for something we forgot last week, laundry, washing up, fixing the car, grocery shopping, cleaning the windows.

And we don’t manage to fit in the “rocks” or the things that really matter to us, satisfy us, fulfil us in life and make us really feel we’re living a life of purpose but with fun and freedom too.

But if we prioritise the “rocks” and ensure they are allocated time in our busy schedules, and that time is protected for the truly important things in our lives, quality time with loved ones, learning a new skill, creating something new or whatever it is that feeds and nourishes us, then the smaller stones and the “sand” still somehow fits around them.

So how about spending 10 minutes flicking through your diary and thinking about whether you would “pass the coffee jar test”?

Do you generally find space for your “rocks” or do you allow your life to be filled with “sand”?

If you’d like help with this or with any other aspect of looking after your personal and professional life, and ensuring you’re living a life that is “true to you” please contact me for a free 20 minute consultation on how we can work together.

That can include working out how you can find the time in your schedule to work out a strategy to improve your life.

Wouldn’t that be a great “rock” to put in your jar?

Amanda Wise can be contacted on:

Tel:0845 226 2816

Email: Amanda@WiseLifeCoaching.com

Website: www.WiseLifeCoaching.com

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