Now here’s the hard part. Imagine for a moment that the collective love in your life (whether from family members, your dog, colleagues or your beloved) is that orange tree you read about in the paragraph above.  The orange tree, like love is both fragile and strong.  It needs to be in a warm climate, in healthy soil, with lots of sunshine and the proper nurturing to bare an abundance of fruit.  Love also needs to be among warm hearts (climate), it needs the occasional expression whether a compliment, a card or a simple “I Love You Too!” (Sunshine) and most importantly, it needs to be a partnership of equality between the lover and the beloved – this can also apply to a mother and her child or a man and his wife.  This partnership is about giving and receiving.  It’s about caring, sharing, appreciating, expressing, and feeling somewhat responsible for the other person (comparatively speaking, just like water for the orange tree).  Finally we come to the three most important pillars that support “Love”, they are honesty, respect and clarity of communication – compare these three areas to the soil that always supports the orange tree and keeps it alive and healthy.  Jan Blaustone, who’s the author of The Joy of Parenthood puts it beautifully:

“The best security blanket a child can have is parents who respect each other.”

Here are a few tips on ways you can express yourself to those you love:

1)     As the old saying goes: “The best things in life are free”, and without spending any money, you can offer the precious gift of a poem or a heartfelt letter that uses the appropriate words to stir the emotions of the reader.  It’s all about creating a positive change in feelings and words have always been a timeless tool.  A warm and sincere hug combined with the above can also work wonders.

2)     Research.  Start taking mental notes on what the other person is into.  It could be a scarf they liked, they may love orchids over roses which you might want to consider, or even a particular spot with a romantic view they love where you can arrange a picnic under the stars.  The bottom line is, keep your eyes and ears open to learn more about how to create that special night.  Be creative !

3)     Just because your beloved is NOT the expressive type doesn’t mean they don’t feel – they just might have trouble expressing their feelings.  So look for ways they are expressing their feeling and let them know that you appreciate it.  My father never expressed his feelings verbally, but I never doubted his love, because I knew his actions were louder and more penetrating than any greeting card or letter.  Sometimes it’s about what you do, and not just what you say.  Think of a time someone stood up for you in an argument, or a time they defended you in your absence and you later found out – that gesture can be more expressive and from the heart than a diamond tennis bracelet.  So keep an open mind and appreciate.

4)     Take this opportunity to re-build the bridges you unintentionally burned.  This is a day to forgive and move on, it is a time to open your heart and grow spiritually.  Cleanse yourself and others of grudges, past shortcomings and contained anger.  Express your desire to forgive and move on by letting them know through a genuine gift, card, flowers or even a knock on the door to surprise them with a hug. Forgive and move on, because you’re not in a position to judge; even Mother Teresa talked about this: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

5)     Love yourself, but don’t be arrogant and proud.  It is vital that you grow to love yourself, because how you treat yourself signals to people around you how you want to be treated.  If you put yourself down, and constantly underestimate your qualities, people WILL treat you like that.  After all, people usually mirror communication, so set the benchmark on how you wish to be treated.  If you act, talk and behave exactly how you wish to be treated, people will give in.  This is not just a day to express feelings to ones you care about, but also a day to appreciate your own uniqueness and attributes.  Only then will you be loved to the level you deserve.

Treat your loved ones like the orange tree that provides us with so many bounties.  Remember to care, nurture and maintain your tree of love, because love is always worth it.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

Not because I want to prove my fondness with the value of my gifts, but because I have standards I abide by.

So, here we are with another Valentine’s day.  A day where introverts suddenly have to play the extrovert, a day we forgive and move on, a day we release feelings we’ve bottled for months, a day we unleash our romantic side and a day we spoil our beloved.  Spoil them with flowers, chocolate, cards, balloons, pendants, earrings, watches, diamonds, the latest handbag, perfume, and trips to exotic locations and on and on and on…..   I can carry on into different tangents of satirical complaining, but let me stop with one simple question: Is that all necessary to express your love to your beloved?  Necessary? No.  Perhaps tempting?!

Materialising love can be insulting to the fundamental principles that govern its worth.  Love is not about what you spend, but what you give from your heart and soul.  It’s about sharing moments of truth that you can hold on to and cherish for days to come.  What good is a Cartier watch as a gift when the relationship lacks respect?  Ultimately, Valentines day is a day to go deep inside your heart and share a piece of it with the one you care for.  It doesn’t matter how you share that piece – there is no right or wrong.  But, let me emphasise the essential ingredients to universal love.  Ingredients that compose the cornerstone of every towering love that has withstood the test of time.

They are:

1)    Respect.  Quite simple really.  Can you love someone you don’t respect?  Clearly not.  If you truly respect your beloved, your loyalty becomes effortless.  Your value of their well being and happiness becomes your own.  Even their point of view and opinion will encourage you both to make wiser and better thought out decisions. Most importantly, the way you’ll live your lives as a couple will strengthen against the challenges of life and society when an ever present respect becomes the vehicle that propels your two lives as one.

2)      Honesty.  Since I love asking questions to make my point, here’s another one: Would you be dishonest to someone you respect?  Honesty fuels honesty.  When a certain type of attribute is conveyed, it is generally mirrored back.  I always associate dishonesty with a bacteria that infects a healthy relationship.  Luckily, my next point can sometimes be the antibiotic to such a bacteria.

3)      Communication.  Any emotionally seasoned person would know that relationships have their ups and downs.  We argue, we disagree, we unintentionally hurt one another and at times things can get challenging.  The good news is that the cleanser of such lows is an open line of communication that always includes the sum of the above two points. Mathematically:  Good Communication= Honesty + Respect.  This can also include a gesture, a smile, a caring touch or a sincere embrace.  A very large part of communication is non-verbal.  Notice couples who hold hands, or share an expression that signals affection across a room.  Top that with clean and sincere words of delight and passion, then you can overcome any difficulty.  Remember, words can heal and injure; so use them wisely.

Having said all that, let me also stress that the catalyst to an overall happy relationship is laughter.  Laughter lightens the heart, and most importantly helps the brain produce happy hormones such as endorphins, dopamine and serotonin.  Such chemicals have scientifically been proven to heal and toughen the immune system.  Funnily enough, a recent university research proved that couples in healthy and happy relationships tend to live longer and have better defences against disease.

So this Valentines, make sure that the fundamental factors mentioned above reign your relationship.  The decision on how much you decide to spend and how well you’re going to express your love MUST be sourced from your heart and soul and not just your wallet.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now for a constructive session for yourself or a loved one.

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477  taymour@guiding-light.net

Listen to Interview with Taymour Qabazard