One of the most irritating things I find in our post modern, fast paced and hectic world is the irrational emphasis on materialism. Don’t get me wrong, I am an avid patron of quality and the finer things in life, and I do sometimes express my affection and love for people whom I care for with offerings of substance and worth.
Not because I want to prove my fondness with the value of my gifts, but because I have standards I abide by.
So, here we are with another Valentine’s day. A day where introverts suddenly have to play the extrovert, a day we forgive and move on, a day we release feelings we’ve bottled for months, a day we unleash our romantic side and a day we spoil our beloved. Spoil them with flowers, chocolate, cards, balloons, pendants, earrings, watches, diamonds, the latest handbag, perfume, and trips to exotic locations and on and on and on….. I can carry on into different tangents of satirical complaining, but let me stop with one simple question: Is that all necessary to express your love to your beloved? Necessary? No. Perhaps tempting?!
Materialising love can be insulting to the fundamental principles that govern its worth. Love is not about what you spend, but what you give from your heart and soul. It’s about sharing moments of truth that you can hold on to and cherish for days to come. What good is a Cartier watch as a gift when the relationship lacks respect? Ultimately, Valentines day is a day to go deep inside your heart and share a piece of it with the one you care for. It doesn’t matter how you share that piece – there is no right or wrong. But, let me emphasise the essential ingredients to universal love. Ingredients that compose the cornerstone of every towering love that has withstood the test of time.
They are:
1) Respect. Quite simple really. Can you love someone you don’t respect? Clearly not. If you truly respect your beloved, your loyalty becomes effortless. Your value of their well being and happiness becomes your own. Even their point of view and opinion will encourage you both to make wiser and better thought out decisions. Most importantly, the way you’ll live your lives as a couple will strengthen against the challenges of life and society when an ever present respect becomes the vehicle that propels your two lives as one.
2) Honesty. Since I love asking questions to make my point, here’s another one: Would you be dishonest to someone you respect? Honesty fuels honesty. When a certain type of attribute is conveyed, it is generally mirrored back. I always associate dishonesty with a bacteria that infects a healthy relationship. Luckily, my next point can sometimes be the antibiotic to such a bacteria.
3) Communication. Any emotionally seasoned person would know that relationships have their ups and downs. We argue, we disagree, we unintentionally hurt one another and at times things can get challenging. The good news is that the cleanser of such lows is an open line of communication that always includes the sum of the above two points. Mathematically: Good Communication= Honesty + Respect. This can also include a gesture, a smile, a caring touch or a sincere embrace. A very large part of communication is non-verbal. Notice couples who hold hands, or share an expression that signals affection across a room. Top that with clean and sincere words of delight and passion, then you can overcome any difficulty. Remember, words can heal and injure; so use them wisely.
Having said all that, let me also stress that the catalyst to an overall happy relationship is laughter. Laughter lightens the heart, and most importantly helps the brain produce happy hormones such as endorphins, dopamine and serotonin. Such chemicals have scientifically been proven to heal and toughen the immune system. Funnily enough, a recent university research proved that couples in healthy and happy relationships tend to live longer and have better defences against disease.
So this Valentines, make sure that the fundamental factors mentioned above reign your relationship. The decision on how much you decide to spend and how well you’re going to express your love MUST be sourced from your heart and soul and not just your wallet.
Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.
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Tel: +44 (0)207 602 5477 taymour@guiding-light.net
