More Brain Juice Please

June 14, 2010

The human brain is such a fascinating and complex organ, that the scientific world is still studying it.  Through the years of research, it has come to light that there are three very important neurochemicals in the brain that help the millions of neurons connect and communicate better so that we can think and process thoughts more efficiently.  These chemicals are serotonin, dopamine and endorphins; what us Neuro Linguistic Programmers call brain juice.  In a recent study, it was found that people who have been diagnosed with clinical depression tend to have low levels of all the three chemicals mentioned above.  Unfortunately, most sad and depressed people end up with increased amounts of Cortisol in their body which can interfere with the function of neurotransmitters.  Excessive Cortisol in your brain can also make it difficult to retrieve long-term memory, in other words the functioning of the brain slows down and becomes polluted.  Some studies have also linked too much Cortisol to the stiffening of the arteries, thus increasing the risk of a heart attack.

Luckily, there is great news.  By incorporating some fun and interesting changes to your daily life, you CAN change how you feel by the chemicals your brain can naturally create.  The brain reacts to the emotions we feel, and some of these emotions are hard wired to the physiological changes we go through.  For example, it is very challenging to think sad thoughts while our posture is upright, or when we put on a huge fake smile.  I won’t be the first to tell you that the mind and body work as one.  Just recall the last time you went for a long walk, a swim or a jog – did you feel down and depressed afterwards ?  Of course not, the simple reason is that your brain produced endorphins during your exercise (endorphins are the bodies natural opiates that make you feel good).

One of the reasons we love eating chocolate or indulge in retail therapy is because such behaviour automatically signals to the brain that you are enjoying yourself, so the brain starts to release serotonin – also known as the happy hormone.  This is precisely why we become chocoholics and shopaholics – our brains create a link to behaviours that make it feel good resulting in a habit that is not always in our best interest.

So here’s what you CAN do in order to improve your life, create better moods and most importantly, manage and perhaps successfully overcome those times when you are in the doldrums.

1)     Start exercising for at least 20 minutes a day.  Exercise does not have to be painful and strenuous, it can be anything from a nice swim, a morning walk to work, using the stairs in stead of the elevator and even making love to your beloved is a form of exercise.   This way you kick start your body and your brain into producing endorphins.  Look at the bright side, you’ll also lose some weight and get fit.

2)     Deliberately force yourself to smile and laugh as often as you can, even if it feels artificial.  You can try sticking smiley faces all around your house, car and work place, so that you’ll remember to smile every time your eye meets these stickers.

3)     Go on a negativity fast by only watching comedy films and sitcoms.  Fish for programs, people, magazine articles and situations that force you to laugh.

4)      Look into your nutrition.  There have been lots of research that link bad nutrition to mood swings and depression.  The latest research shows that a diet with increased fatty acids such as Omega 3 and 6 can contribute to better brain functioning and moods. Do your homework and improve your diet.

By incorporating the above 5 steps into your life for at least 2-3 weeks, you may begin to notice some powerful shifts and changes in how you feel.  In order for the brain to function well, be alert, think fast and connect thoughts more efficiently – it needs the necessary chemicals to help it.  The human body is a magnificent entity that can heal itself though its own ingrained programming.  The key is to use it well by adjusting our lives in order to allow nature to do its magic.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Coaching, NLP, Taymour | Tagged , | Comments off

Are YOU Worth It ?

June 14, 2010

One of the most powerful underlying forces that determine the quality of our lives is self worth.  Self worth is literally the value or worth that we as individuals place on ourselves.  Over the years I have helped countless clients who on the surface seem to lack the comforts needed to be happy.  However, a slight scratch of that very surface reveals that the real problem is low self worth and ultimately an avid dislike of themselves.  Low self worth is why some women stay in abusive relationships, low self-worth is why some corporate executives never aim to get the promotion they so desire and low self worth is why some people self-sabotage whenever a good thing happens to them.

I recently had a client, lets call her Katie.  Katie was an educated working woman who had a stream of unsatisfactory relationships with men.  She always blamed herself for making the wrong choices and was convinced that it was always her fault when the relationship broke down.  In fact, Katie was the type of woman who was always so grateful for having a boyfriend at all.  The men she dated inevitably treated her very poorly, yet she let it happen and accepted their behaviour toward her without question.  Even her appearance was a reflection of someone who didn’t really care about herself.  The problem with Katie was that she was sending out the wrong message.  A message of low self worth which set the benchmark on how ‘Katie’ wished to be treated.  Since communication is a two way stream, people will always treat you the way you treat yourself.

Low self worth is the unfortunate product of past experiences that can go back to childhood.  How a teacher put you down in fifth grade, how a parent always criticised your every effort or the ever popular bullying from your class mates.  Such experiences tend to resonate in the unconscious mind and create the low self worth we’re exploring here, not to mention limiting beliefs that hold you back. (See: You Are What You Believe article).  Such painful experiences contribute greatly to how we live our lives later in adulthood.  We tend to grasp a sense of our identity from our surrounding, even if our surrounding is absolutely false and corrupt.  The human unconscious cannot negate, it believes everything it hears.  A famous example among NLP’ers to test this claim is: “In the next 10 seconds, do NOT think of a Pink Elephant”.

What happens to us through unpleasant experiences is that we start to believe that we are not worth what we truly are, and do not deserve to achieve anything good for ourselves.  Moreover, our internal dialogue becomes the villain we so hate, thus the process of self-hypnosis kicks in and alters our beliefs and behaviour.  The symptoms of low self worth are many, and among the most extreme are eating disorders.  In a world that dictates to us what is beautiful and what is not, our self image and worth is becoming diluted to the point of confusion and pain.

What sadly happens is that individuals tend to put themselves down, refuse to stand up for themselves and sacrifice their most basic right of self respect and dignity in fear of being judged and labelled as egotistical.  The ‘ego’ self is merely the individual self, and there is nothing wrong with nurturing the ego every once in a while.  Being an insecure show off on the other hand is a totally different matter.

If you reflect high self worth, you will attract respect, admiration and credibility in everything you do and say – and vice-versa.  Just because we behave a certain way that dissatisfies us, we don’t have to carry on doing the same thing.  Behaviour is something that can be easily changed once awareness takes place, which incidentally reminds me of what Carl Jung once said: “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become”.

There is light to seek, and changes to make.  Here are some simple yet powerful questions that I have borrowed from Fiona Harrold.  Answer them honestly and briefly.  The following questions are designed to help you gain awareness of how you are living.  The very first step to any form of change is awareness.

  • How do I rate my self-worth on a scale of 0 to 100?

  • If my rate is less than 100, the 3 reasons why this is so are:

  • What exactly stops me from liking myself more?

  • What are 3 ways that I hold myself back through not having enough belief in myself?

  • What are the 3 things that I do to be liked by others and feel likable?

  • What 3 things do I tolerate or put up with in my life?

  • For what 3 things do I blame or resent myself?

  • In what 3 ways do I punish myself?

As a species, we are easily amenable to countless influences that we are subjected to in our daily lives, including our society, religion, upbringing, friends and the media.  The great news is, we CAN change for the better.  Let me finish off with what the eighteenth century philosopher Voltaire once said:

“Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.”  Even to yourself!!!

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Taymour | Tagged , | Comments off

The Happiness of Simplicity

June 14, 2010

There have been lots of articles in the papers recently about a new study showing that we as a society were far happier in the mid 1950’s than we are now!  WHAT?  That can’t be right!  We have the internet, we have mobile phones, e-mail, great cars and entertainment on tap.  We can even hop on a plane and spend the weekend in Reykjavik, and be back in time to watch Top Gear.  Surely we must be happier now than the post WWII 1950’s?

Well, it’s true.  In spite of all the high tech improvements around us and the wealth we’re swimming in,  the demand for anti-depressants is on an astronomical high.  A few months ago, I had a client who was a high profile member of a ruling family.  My client decided to go out for dinner along with the entourage.  I was very generously asked to join them.  The food, service and venue were truly unforgettable.  As the evening progressed, I found out that nine out of the twelve members of the entourage were on anti-depressants such as Prozac and Zoloft, and anti-anxiety pills such as Xanex.  I came back to my relatively small life feeling like an emotional billionaire.

Prince Charles very eloquently once said that: “We have become slaves to technology, instead of its Master”.  True, we have e-mail, but we stress about it and check it hundreds of times a day.  We have mobile phones, yet we answer it with tension and worry.  Even the convenience of SMS messaging has become a tool for receiving speedy bad news such as being fired, dumped by a partner, and even bullying among school children.  We have very safe and technologically advanced cars to make our lives easier, yet road rage is everywhere.  The most hypnotic machine, also known as the ever popular television can provide us with 500 plus channels that are constantly telling us how to think and who we have to be in order to be ‘IN’ or ‘Cool’.  We seem lost, confused, angry and worst of all we’re existing, not living.  We constantly hear of the scarcity of time, yet we spend it on meaningless trivialities that fill our voids with a vacuum.

What really matters?  Who are we?  What are we looking for?  What would give our lives meaning and substance?  What can we do to find that increasingly endangered species – the peace of mind we all long for?  The answer to all these questions are in every one of us, and none of the answers will be identical because happiness is so relative.  It is not some generalisation that advertising companies try to ingrain in us in order to buy their products or service.

Imagine for a moment how life would have been like in the 1950’s.  To begin with, greater numbers of families ate together at the table and talked about their day and shared their problems and worries.   There was a sense of innocence that demanded very little, with children being allowed to behave like children and not like a regurgitation from hell.  There was a sense of identity, spirituality and appreciation for everything.  The family unit was generally stronger and we had a greater appreciation for the simple things that really mattered.

There is an ancient Chinese curse that says: “May you live in interesting times”.  Indeed, these are interesting times when divorce is at a rate of 49%, interesting times when alcohol abuse is the number one cause of violence and social misery, and the most interesting of all is how we’re popping anti-depressants like M&M’s when all we really need to do is focus on what we want, be happy about it and cherish our peace.  By having an honest dialogue with ourselves, and exploring who we really are, we can align our daily life to complement the direction we want to go in.  Ultimately, as Napoleon Hill once said: “If you aim at nothing, you generally hit it”.

I’d like to finish off with what Michael Neill refers to as the 5 rules of happiness:

Rule 1) If you like something, make sure you enjoy it.

Rule 2) If you don’t like something – avoid it.

Rule 3) If you don’t like something, and you can’t or won’t avoid it – change it.

Rule 4) If you don’t like something, and you can’t or won’t change it – accept it.

Rule 5) There are no rules for being happy  – just be happy.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Taymour | Comments off

The Lonely City

June 14, 2010

I think the best way to start what I want to share with my readers is to carefully distinguish the difference between loneliness and being alone.  I have come to realize that Paul Tillich beautifully simplifies this in his book The Eternal Now: “Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone.  It has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone.  And it has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.” Solitude is something I highly recommend to not only my Clients, but my friends and family too.  It is almost necessary in our post modern hectic lives to seek some time for inner reflection and quiet contemplation to tune our thoughts and energies for the coming days.  However, let’s give solitude the solitude it needs to examine an almost epidemic suffering most major cities tend to have.

In the past six months I have met many people (and this includes friends, acquaintances and Clients) who complain about how lonely London as a city can be.  The emphasis has been on the word lonely, and the toll it has taken on their quality of life.  Like most major cities London is a giant metropolis that offers a rich history, cultural variety, a cosmopolitan vibe and an ever growing centre for trends and fashion.  Like most cities, London has a relatively high crime rate, its pace is fast, and generally people can be closed, aggressive, withdrawn and even angry.  Though culturally diverse, London is a giant hub of many sub-cultures where people stick to their own group of friends, thus coming across as closed and highly cynical to a potential newcomer.  Time and time again, clients confess to me how they spend most of their weekends alone feeling isolated and withdrawn.  In spite of their rewarding jobs and financial security, their lives lack the richness and warmth of closeness and community that they don’t feel they can get from the city.  They feel that the place that they are most likely to obtain this are small towns but the flipside is that small towns may not be as vibrant and exciting as a city.  Ultimately, it’s the people that define the location.  As the old saying goes, if you want to better your world, better yourself. The question is why are more and more people finding big city life unfulfilling and gloomy?

In spite of the above generalisation, many Londoners cherish their lives in the “big smoke” as it’s affectionately called.  They have challenging careers, an exciting social life and constantly engage themselves in the opportunities that surround them.  They go to galleries and museums, they can have meals from any region imaginable, they take dance classes, Tai Chi or Yoga, not to mention concerts and free lectures on Egyptology.  They literally spend each of their 7 day week doing something fun, engaging and different.  So it’s only fair to ask: Is city life lonely? Or can one shift their perspective and attitude to make the most of where they live?

The answer is yes to both of those questions.  People in cities are generally more stressed and cautious than other non city folk.  They can be closed and reluctant to start new friendships.  However, this does not mean that they are not human.  It’s just that their shells are thicker than average, and thus require a harder tap to crack.  Let’s explore the options that are at hand to shift your loneliness into fun time on your own and with others.

1)    Know yourself.  Identify what you truly enjoy doing, list your interests and research venues, clubs and societies that you can get involved with.

2)    If people in your city are closed and aggressive, you don’t have to be.  One of the most powerful ways to change other people’s behaviour is to change your own.  Greet people with an open face, smile often (it won’t cost you a thing) and deliberately small talk with people you interact with at the shops, bank or post office.  The key is to be approachable.

3)    Appear interested in others.  Ask open questions.  Listen with your eyes, ears and friendly body language.  Make sure you send out a vibe that tells others you’re warm and fun.  Time and time again, tourists and non locals ask me for directions.  They almost choose me from 30 feet away although there are lots of people around.  Reason being is I walk with my head up as I sustain a friendly expression.

4)    Deliberately start a casual conversation with someone in a bar, or café.  Converse for the sake of conversing and not to build a life long friendship.  Finish off with: “Well, it was really nice talking to you.  Hope to see you around again soon”  This way, you won’t come on too hard and come across as unthreatening.

5)    It’s the 21st Century and there are many new ways to interact, chat and get to know like minded people.  Keep an open mind and consider up to date avenues that can expose you to potential new life enhancing friendships and experiences

The enigma that we all search for to obtain a better life actually lies within us because our intention and perception shifts are the real magic that can give us a new life without changing our lives.  We all have choices and ways to better and enrich our lives, the key is to be tenacious, flexible and embrace life with gusto.  People are always attracted to fun, exciting and passionate people – bring out that person in you.

“Set your dial to happiness!

You owe it to yourself to laugh more,

Play more, and fully embrace the experience

Of life.” Dr. S. Jeffers

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Taymour | Tagged | Comments off

Frame It Well

June 11, 2010

”A problem well stated is a problem half solved”. Charles Kettering.

One of the quickest and most powerful ways to change a negative pattern of thinking is to change its context in such a way that it becomes comical or even positive. This NLP concept is called Re-Framing. In other words, change the frame and the picture will also change. We hear this all the time in everyday conversation – “Look at the bright side….” Or “Well, at least you don’t have to…..” and “…I know, just bare in mind that it could have been worse.”

The best way I can explain this is to ask you to think of a situation or something that discomforts you slightly. Now, take a few moments and challenge yourself gently to focus on another facet of the situation. A facet that may direct your mind in new avenues that can change your state for the better. A great reminder is the old debate whether the glass is half full or half empty.

I recently had a Client who absolutely and utterly despised her son-in-law. She feels that he is a square peg in the round hole that is her small and close knit family. She passionately expressed her anger at the fact that whenever he comes over for a visit, he eats the meal he is cooked and then he plants himself into her (my Client’s) favourite chair and naps. She then went on and on at her dismay and anxiety about the upcoming Christmas dinner. She was so focused and tense that I immediately resorted to re-framing to change her hard wired thinking.

I smiled and replied: “…..he may sit in your favourite chair and doze off, but at least you don’t have to talk to him which I’m sure is a nice thought for you. Better still, you can hang out with your daughter and your grandchildren by the fire place and have some laughs and have them all to yourself without him interrupting.” Not only did her overall state improve, but she started giggling from the belly and appreciated my point.


It’s very easy to get tangled up into a one way stream of thinking that can ruin your day and prevent you from taking notice of the positive angles, however small, that the situation presents. I can go on and turn this article into an academic and frankly boring explanation, but I’d rather not. Let me finish off with some examples that can help you appreciate what re-framing can do.

1)“I got laid off from work last week.”

“Well, at least you can add the experience to your CV which can make it easier getting a better job.”

2) “Winter’s here and it’s getting cold again”.

“Yeah, it gives us a great change to dress up and look smarter.”

3) “My boss has given me so much work to do this week…”

“Well, he must have a lot of faith in you.”

Thought is energy, and it’s best to change your negative thoughts right away before they turn into words and then actions. You may begin to realise that by re-framing some thoughts in the coming days, you can change your outlook and feel better. 

“Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.”

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

Learn how to improve your thought patterns. ”One of the quickest and most powerful ways to change a negative pattern of thinking is to change its context in such a way that it becomes comical or even positive.  This NLP concept is called Re-Framing.”  Read more…
By Coach Taymour | Posted in NLP, Taymour | Tagged , | Comments off

Taming The Party Animal Inside

June 11, 2010

William Thackeray very eloquently once said:

“Good humour may be one of the very best articles of dress one can wear in society.”

Indeed society is a place where we wear things such as stylish clothes, jewelry, make up and even an attitude to show what we want people to see, hear and feel.  After all, it is nobody’s business to know what goes on in our minds.  Trends, social competition and gossip seem to fuel the collective mind when people gather these days.  Sadly parties and social gatherings start to feel like straight jackets that can stress us to the point of a panic attack.  It doesn’t have to be like this at all.  Ultimately, every penny that is spent in the world today is on feeling good, so what good is it if we don’t enjoy things we like.  This includes get togethers, parties or even people watching in cafés.  As I’ve mentioned previously in one of my articles: If you like something, make sure you enjoy it.  Every one of us is a member of society, and we have the power to make constructive and positive changes to make it a better place.

I can delve into a deep and philosophical article about society and how it all works, but that can be dull, boring and frankly a bit too academic.  Instead, I’d like to offer you tools and techniques that can help you become more sociable, a better communicator and an overall charming guest or even host (or hostess).

1)     Minimize your mobile use if you are at a party, a gathering or simply hanging out with a few friends in a restaurant.  Be polite enough to give people you’re with the attention and courtesy they disserve.  I recently met a friend for a coffee after not seeing him for a while, and he had two mobiles that he continuously fiddled with the entire hour we were together.  I was appalled at his manners.  If you have to take an IMPORTANT call, simply excuse yourself from the table and be as brief as you can.  Otherwise, tell the caller that it’s not a convenient time and that you’ll call them back as soon as you get the chance.

2)    When conversing – make sure you sustain good eye contact and an open posture.  It welcomes the dialogue and you come across as an easy person to talk to.

3)     Always smile when entering a room with people in it.  No need to laugh, just a gentle smile (without teeth) that lifts your face and welcomes conversation can go a long way.  Remember, a smile is contagious; people will always reciprocate it, thus lifting the mood to a lighter and more relaxed one.

4)     People generally love to talk about themselves, so what better way to come across as a charming communicator than asking open questions and listening with your ears, eyes and body.  Remember your body language, eye contact and posture say much more than your mouth – so be mindful of that as you listen.  Believe it or not, once the other person finishes answering, they will mirror the etiquette you demonstrated back to you with sincerity.

5)     Avoid talking about religion and politics – you’ll live longer.

6)     Be a good guest.  Help discretely, this can include passing the plates at dinner time or even talking to lonely looking guests on their own who might feel neglected.  Feel involved and help improve the mood if you can.

7)     Be a good host.  Smile as you make everyone feel welcomed.  Make sure you introduce people to each other and mention their common denominators.  For example: “John I’d like you to meet Andrew. Andrew is also an engineer and an avid skier ”.  Something like that, so your guests can meet and chat with ease at your party.  Also, make sure you make everyone feel as special as the next guest – it’s all about harmony.

8)     If you run into someone who you wish you hadn’t.  Walk up and say hello, keep the conversation short and slightly formal.  Then move on talking to others as you sustain that radiant smile.

9)     Brush up on that sense of humor, but avoid being the clown.  People love a good laugh, so give them a good laugh, just make sure you don’t suffocate them by seeking all the attention.

10) Go prepared with things to say.  Sometimes people get tongue tied and run out of things to talk about.  Keep up with the news, travel and interesting facts you may have come across, and use them when helpful.  If you run out of things to say, ask interesting questions or re-direct the dialogue and comment on  their latest bag and how pretty it is.  Compliments are an excellent way to make people feel good; they also demonstrate how humble and sweet you are which can exhibit your refinement as a socialite.

11)  If you walk into a gathering and find no one you know; relax, smile, introduce yourself and ask where the host is.  People get together to enjoy and have fun – you can always set the example.

12)   Show your appreciation and gratitude as a guest. Be specific about your compliments and let them know you’ve noticed the attention to detail.  For example: “I absolutely loved your Tabouleh, it was so tasty” or “I love the mood you’ve created with those candles, it’s so welcoming”.  The key is to be sincere, and not fake.  Your host has worked hard at making their gathering a success, so let them know you’re grateful.

These techniques are designed to minimize friction, enhance harmony and generate improvement in your social life, so make sure you have fun with them by remaining flexible and relaxed.  A party is not necessarily just the opportunity to flaunt your latest fashion item, but an opportunity to meet new people, enjoy yourself and leave with some degree of fulfillment.  As Malcolm Forbes once said: “Presence is more than just being there”.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment and delete your fears to live a freer life.

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

Listen to Interview with Taymour Qabazard

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Coaching, Taymour | Tagged , | Comments off

Motherhood Blues

June 11, 2010

One of the most life changing experiences that any woman goes through is childbirth and motherhood.  It’s almost a divine reminder than there is an awesome natural power at work.  It’s also a time for celebration and happiness as everyone cherishes the new family member and drains the battery on their digital cameras.  It’s a special time that brings the family (extended or otherwise) together and strengthens the emotional bonds between them as they plan the months ahead with excitement and bliss.  But frankly speaking, is it all bliss and laughs?

Unfortunately the answer is often no.  There is a horrible truth that we seem to neglect at such a life altering time.  Changes that we may or may not be aware of are happening on many levels.  The arrival of this promising new life brings with it new plans, new responsibilities, essential shifts in the customary way of life, not to mention the biggest shift of all – the mother’s hormone equilibrium which can result in what is commonly known as Post Natal Depression (PND).  PND has been around as long as we can remember it, and we used to arrogantly brush it under the carpet as though it was non-existent – a myth.  Only recently, thanks to more awareness by celebrities such as Brooke Shields, articles, TV interviews, reality shows, the web and woman’s journals, have we come to acknowledge its dark presence.  Bluntly speaking, depression is absolutely terrible.  For the sufferer everything becomes negative, loved ones intolerable, they want to be alone, cry, scream, break things, self harm, withdraw and their minds start to harbour thoughts of detachment and hate.  Mothers with PND can even look at their child and feel absolutely nothing towards them.  In some rare cases, there have been mothers who harm their newborn and even murder them.  Since I now have your attention, it’s only but fair to say that PND is a very serious condition that must be addressed as soon as any of the symptoms arise.

In a simplified nutshell, PND stems from a sudden shift in the hormone levels that affect the chemical balance of the brain.  When a woman is pregnant, her body adjusts in many ways to accommodate the new life she is nurturing inside her.  After birth there’s a quick and abrupt shift in the body’s condition, and the hormonal equilibrium falls out of balance.  The mother then gets a drop in her Serotonin, Dopamine and Endorphin levels and a rise in her Cortisol which research has shown can result in depression.  In times past, “doctors” would have diagnosed madness, and dismissed it as a figment of her imagination.  Thankfully, attitudes have changed these days and options are many.  Though I’m personally not a fan of anti-depressants, in the right situations they are tremendously helpful.  PND is a temporary phase that with the proper care and steps can be overcome.  What anti-depressants do is alter the brain chemistry to correct the imbalances caused by pregnancy and childbirth.

The following are some of the ways to spot Post Natal Depression:

1)    Listen and don’t just hear what the mother says about how she feels.  If she’s abnormally sleepy and tired all the time, it could be a sign of PND.

2)    If the mother seems withdrawn from everyone – especially her loved ones.

3)    If she doesn’t demonstrate much affection or a strong bond with her newborn.

4)    Sudden fluctuations in her overall mood and state.

5)    Crying at the slightest discomfort and being overly emotional.

These are just a few of the many signs that exist, and the more we’re aware, the better we can truly help and correct this delicate period.

It’s important that a physician, clinical therapist or psychiatrist is contacted right away to look at the options available.  In some cases, if the family surrounds her and showers her with love and laughter, this phase can be overcome with more ease. Laughter is crucial as it contributes to the production of serotonin.  Gentle exercise is another important factor to consider, predominantly because it helps the production of endorphins, one of the “happy hormones”.  Exercise needn’t be hard work.  As soon as the new mother feels able, she could take a gentle stroll with her newborn, which would also be a good opportunity to show off the fruits of her “labour”!

Sadly, the recent rise in PND has been linked to our post modern lives of speed, stress and diminishing family unity and closeness.  The excitement and love must not be ceased after 10 days of childbirth, but carried on in shifts for a good six months, if not longer.  The busier the house and more affection around, the easier it will be for the mother to adjust.  Childbirth and motherhood is a very delicate time that must be shared and divided on all the loved ones and not just the mother.  PND can be beaten and defeated, so do keep an open mind to observe any danger signs and act right away.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

Helpful Links:

www.pni.org.uk

www.postnataldepression.com

www.mind.org.uk

www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Coaching, Taymour | Tagged , , , | Comments off

Zooming Out Zooming In

June 11, 2010

Our sense of sight is indeed an underappreciated gift we sometimes take for granted.  We not only see the world and absorb it through our eyes, but we also store a lot of what we learn and experience by creating a database of pictures and films that we run and re-run over and over again.  Think of the last place you went on vacation, your first kiss or the day your employer said: “Great, can you start Monday?” Such memories are stored in our minds, and we can always access them by simply thinking about the experience and focusing on them with the desired intensity.  This unfortunately also applies to unpleasant memories. You can be in the middle of traffic thinking about your favourite meal with such focus that you start to salivate and almost smell it.  This reiterates that the human mind cannot differentiate between reality and imagination.

I recently had a Client who had a severe phobia of spiders, and as soon as I would bring up the subject of spiders, she’d burst into tears of fright.  We both knew there was no spider in the room, but her ability to visualise was so sharply tuned, that her imagination overrided common sense and logic.  In fact we as humans are exactly like that.  We think, we imagine, we visualise and then we act.  Our behaviours are seldom governed by sense and logic.  The fact of the matter is that our behaviour is dictated by our emotions, which in turn are fuelled by our imagination.  A classic stereotypical example is a woman who has credit card debts, and cannot resist the sexy pair of shoes in the window.  This also applies to men with a gadget fetish who just have to have the latest gizmo.  When we see a nice pair of shoes in a magazine, we create a happy mental picture of ourselves looking sexy and confident as we walk down the street wearing those shoes.  The emotions stirred are then so pleasing and intense that we cannot wait to buy the pair of shoes to achieve the mental image we previously created in our mind.

Imagination is such a fundamental driving force that for anything to happen in reality, it must first happen in our imagination and ability to visualize.  If you take a moment and look around the room you’re in; every single thing in your room was first created in someone’s imagination.  I recently read a wonderful piece of advice that said: “Don’t just see with your eyes, but see through your eyes.”

“I couldn’t see the wood for the trees” is another wonderful saying that brushes up on our visual modality.  There are lots and lots of times that we get so caught up in our patterns of thinking that we fail to see other options at our disposal. We only see what’s in front of us and not what’s ahead of us.  Time and time again, I’ve had Clients who feel they’re stuck in a rut when in truth the problem lied in their visual perspective.  Unsurprisingly, this limited pattern of thinking creates stress, anxiety, lack of direction and feeling confused about what to do when faced with a challenging situation.  Furthermore, we end up loosing direction and focus about the overall bigger picture.  In other words, “what you see is what you get” and that is entirely dependent on what YOU decide to focus on.  We tend to focus on the worse case scenario in fear of it happening, yet the rule of thumb is: whatever you resist, you persist.  We visualise what could go wrong, and paralyze ourselves with fear.  Sometimes the best thing we can do is also the simplest thing.  Since we do visualise and imagine before we take action, it is necessary to zoom out of a current situation in order to get a clearer picture of where we were, where we are and were we wish to go with our lives.  As soon as that clarity is gained, our unconscious will begin to shed light on our dilemma and offer a variety of options that we wouldn’t have thought of otherwise.  It is only then that we can zoom back in to take the actions needed.

Being in the position I am, I don’t have the luxury or right to tell my Clients what to do.  I work under the notion that my Clients already know what they want and how to get it, they’re just unaware of that fact due to their habits and thinking patters.  By shifting their perspective ever so slightly through a series of zooming out, zooming in questions, my Clients gain the most paramount cornerstone to constructive change – awareness.

Try This:

Think of something that makes you feel frustrated and unsure of what to do next. Now ask yourself the following questions and answer as honestly as you can.

  • What is the real problem?
  • What possible options can I consider that will serve my best interest?
  • What is the best option?
  • What do I need to do less of?
  • What do I need to do more of?
  • What do I need to stop doing?
  • What do I need to start doing?

These are just a few of the many questions and approaches one can take.  The more honest you are with yourself the quicker clarity you’ll gain.  Let me also emphasise the importance of doing what you truly want rather than what your society, colleagues or family expects.  It is vital that you consider your own interest and well being when making an important decision.  A recent Client of mine was very confused about his career options.  I simply asked him to describe himself working and being very happy and exited about it.  My question was, “don’t tell me what you’re doing; all I want you to do is describe the nature of your work”.  Within 10 seconds he began to tell me exactly what he was doing, the type of people he worked with, the hours, right down to the location and industry.  We carried on planning and setting little goals for him to undertake to achieve the life he wanted.  When we decide from the heart, and understand the reasons why, the “how?” part becomes the easiest.

Sometimes it’s necessary to zoom out in order to zoom back in with the clarity to take the right decision and action.  Think of a camera that zooms out to provide the viewer with the bigger picture of what they’re seeing, only to zoom back in with more awareness and understanding.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Coaching, Taymour | Tagged , | Comments off

Spring Clean Your Life

June 11, 2010

The term Spring Clean is rooted in the idea of thoroughly cleaning your home to welcome the coming Spring equinox that triggers new life.  The start of Spring is a very special time indeed as the days will get longer, the weather will begin to shift, the grass will grow, the flowers will bloom and new life begins.  In fact, the Persians celebrate their new year at the exact moment of this equinox to celebrate new life.

This momentous occasion also provides us humans with another chance to go into our mental closets and filter out accumulated and unwanted junk from the past.  Past demons, bad habits, limiting beliefs that keep governing our actions, anxieties and insecurities are all acquired through our life experiences; we’re not born with them.  And, since our mind is no different to a computer that has been programmed with the software of life experiences, it can be re-programmed to think differently and consequently behave differently also.  Remember: Your Past Does NOT Equal Your Future.

Sometimes all that is needed is a tiny shift in our attitude, our outlook or our strategies to yield the biggest positive change that we’ve been longing for.  What we visualize in our mind, what we repeatedly say to ourselves and even our body language are all contributing factors to the subjective understanding of our lives.  Our reality is always subjective and can be unjust to the actuality that we neglect to appreciate.  As the famous NLP presupposition goes, the map is not the territory.  How you’ve unconsciously programmed yourself to understand the world around you is not always an accurate perspective - there are other facets to see the world through!  There’s a wonderful saying that I read the other day, it said: “We don’t see the world the way it is, but rather the way we are.”

Let me just finish off by saying that sometimes, it’s not just a spring clean that our internal and external lives require; but a careful and honest re-evaluation of where we’re going with our lives and the goals we’ve set.

“Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words. Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions. Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits.  Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values. Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny.”  Mahatma Gandhi


Until Next Time…….­Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now and book an appointment to kick start your Spring Clean.

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Coaching, NLP, Taymour | Tagged , | Comments off

A Childish Lesson

June 11, 2010

About two weeks ago I was on a long haul flight heading back to London.  It wasn’t the smoothest of flights I had ever been on, we had some turbulence here and there which made many people uneasy.  In spite of the constipated looks on the passenger’s faces when we hit a bump or two, there was a little girl, no more than seven in the row behind me to my left; and every little bump, dip and sudden turbulence we went through made her laugh hysterically.  It was such a lively and sincere laughter that one couldn’t help but giggle along with her.  She didn’t just laugh, she screeched in excitement and joy – as though on a roller coaster at Disneyland.  Every laugh followed with an acknowledging look at her mom who was most amused and kept nodding with a smile; rather than plant fear and terror into her daughters fertile mind.  She was so innocently enjoying the turbulence which was normal to a certain extent on such a flight, that I felt genuinely inspired and reminded of how fear, anxiety and phobias are installed in us by our surrounding environment and upbringing.  Just imagine how this little girl would have reacted differently if her mom suddenly burst into tears of terror with every bump.

Yes!  We aren’t just taught how to hold our cutlery properly by our parents when we eat, we even learn how and when to be afraid.  The good news is that such installations can be deleted from our mental programming.  Just because our imagination can be creative, we don’t always have to be a slave to it.

Mark Twain once said: “I have been through some terrible things in my life, and some of them actually happened.” At the end of the day, we are the one’s who run and control our own minds and not the other way around.  Let us learn from this little girl and reconnect with our inner child and laugh hysterically in the face of fear.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment and delete your fears to live a freer life.

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Taymour | Tagged | Comments off