Jun142010

You Are What You Believe

By admin | June 14, 2010 | Posted in NLP:Belief | Tagged , | Comments off

By definition, a belief is a principle accepted as true without proof.  A beliefs is a thought or idea that we do not question – most of the time we are not even aware of them either.  Our beliefs are the most powerful force that govern our attitudes, outlook and actions.  They are nurtured  and formed by our culture, religion, upbringing, society, teachers as well as every influencing factor in our surrounding environment.  The media, our boss, family and social phrases such as “ Mondays are always horrible” tend to have a far more influencing effect than we’d like to admit.  After all our unconscious mind is just like a 3 year old child that does not negate.  It accepts everything it hears.  In fact for the next 5 seconds think of anything other than a white tiger.  Chances are you already thought of a white tiger.  For our mind to identify what not to do, it must first process what that “it” exactly is.

Phrases such as: “I’m horrible at maths”, “I never win anything” or “I’m a horrible dancer” may sound trivial, but if repeated enough, evolve into a belief, then a behaviour.  So one will grow to be convinced that they cannot add, and avoid balancing their cheque books, or never even consider dancing because they’re afraid of embarrassing themselves.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with believing in a variety of things.  Some believe in God, others don’t, some believe in vegetarianism, others don’t.  After all, it is a free world, and we have the right to live our lives as we wish.  The issue that needs to be examined here is not beliefs in general, but beliefs that limit the human ability and nurture fear within the minds of very capable people out there. This is where a belief becomes a limiting belief, and only then prevents individuals from maximising their potential in order to achieve their goals.

What we choose to believe about the world and ourselves determines the quality of life we have.  Our beliefs dictate how well we perform, interact, grow our businesses and  spot opportunities.  Ironically, what we believe has a greater affect on us than the truths that surround us.  Unfortunately, we also tend to take on board other people’s beliefs such as relatives, friends, colleagues at work,  not to mention the media with what it tactfully feeds us through their catchy headlines and Hollywood like news reporting.  The truth has almost become veiled in layers of opinion that we no longer see clearly. The truth of the matter is that we are all amazing creatures with infinite potential that’s just aching to come out.  Sadly, most of the time our limiting beliefs prevent that side from flourishing and growing.

I recently had a client who was convinced that he would not be considered for the upcoming promotion  at the company he worked for because of his ethnic background.  After careful probing, he admitted that he acquired this limiting belief from his much older father who was naturally of a different generation.  As soon as he let go of this belief, his eyes lit up, his posture improved and came to realise that he had exactly what this upcoming position required – if not more !  When it was time for his appraisal, he presented a side no one in the office had ever seen.  A side that demonstrated vision, ambition, determination and confidence.  Much to his surprise at the end, he was promoted to this senior position and is now a much freer individual who accesses his vast potential on a daily bases.

The internal representation of the outside world we make to ourselves is greatly influenced by our beliefs.  Our limiting beliefs are just like filters that disallow opportunities and positive signals from the world around us to penetrate our minds and expose us to the wonders around.  And before we know it, we’re missing out on so much that we could be benefiting from, or acting on.

Most of the time, our greatest fear is failure.  We tend to believe that we will fail at something even if there is no evidence to back that up.  When Christopher Columbus set sail for the other side – did he fear failure?  When Mahatma Ghandi stood against the biggest empire of that time, did he fear failure?  The answer to both questions is an obvious NO.  What kept them going is their beliefs.  Their main objective was to achieve what they believed in.  No soul on earth could have altered their faith in themselves, nor could anyone discourage them from their path.  Failure to them was  non existent.  Let’s look at that statement for a second – failure to them was non existent.  Perhaps that is true, after all what is failure other than a bad result that you’d avoid on the next attempt.  People generally try doing something once, twice maybe even three times then quit.  Perseverance and determination are what make dreams come true, in other words the belief in ourselves.  Would have Alexander the great ploughed into the east and west to expand his empire if he didn’t believe in his vision? Clearly not.  Naturally, it is all a matter of perspective, it is how we view the world around us.  Reality is a rather funny thing.  There never really is one reality, but a variety of them that simultaneously exist together.  Let’s look at a well known city such as London for a minute.  Some may say it’s a very cruel and lonely city with rude people, some may say that it’s a very cultured and historically rich city with lots to offer.  Some may say that it’s a filthy crime infested city with poor air quality,  and others may say it’s the most happening city in the world with one of the biggest financial markets on this globe – opportunities are everywhere!   Every statement can be true, or real, but it simply is a matter of perspective.  The key is to focus on the perspective that can help you achieve the right attitude in order to move forward in what you wish to do.

If I want to start my own business in London, and then begin feeding my mind language that depresses me about the people around me, the crime rate and pollution – I’ll probably not go very far with my goals.  On the other hand, if I was to focus on what huge potential I am surrounded by, not to mention the purchasing power of the market around me – I will be far more determined and eager to achieve the success level I want.  This brings us back to whether the glass is half empty or half full.  Research has proven to us that the key to success comes down to attitude.  This reminds me of something Thomas Jefferson once said: ” Nothing can stop a man [or Woman] with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal ; nothing on earth can help a man [or Woman] with the wrong mental attitude”. How many successful achievers do you know of out there who made it through doubt, fear, negativity or limiting beliefs that ignite self-sabotage?  Attitude is the result of your beliefs, so if you believe you’re a loser who’s going to fall flat on his face every time you decide to achieve anything – you probably will.  We determine the result in our minds before we even take the first step.  When I asked a client of mine once how he painted so well, he simply said “I see it in my mind clearly, then I allow my hand to be the vessel of transport that brings out what I see in my mind”.  This is a similar analogy to what most successful people have said throughout history.  They tend to visualise what exactly it is they want and maintain strong focus on their goal as they jump every hurdle along the way.  Even if they fall over and over again, the determination fuelled by both attitude and self-belief keeps them on their path until they achieve their desired goal.  Another way to look at this is to imagine a flight that has just left Heathrow airport for New York.  Along the way it will face high pressure weather patches, stormy clouds and other aircrafts in its path; but in order to reach it’s destination successfully it constantly adjusts its course and altitude to reach New York with ease.   The same applies to achieving success.  Flexibility is a key ingredient that must be practiced in order to overcome obstacles and dodge mishaps along the way.  As Confucius once said: “Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall”.  Achiever everywhere have had to fall a number of times before they completed what they were out to do.  Falls or bad results are simply lessons that teach us what does not work, it is vital to be flexible enough and learn from them rather than get discouraged.

Refining your external dialogue with people around you is not enough, it is paramount that you clean the language you feed yourself in order to shift your beliefs.  Beliefs come to exist because we have habitually repeated a thought, statement or perspective to ourselves over and over again.  After all, we’re all creatures of habit and we stick to the familiar even if it’s hurting us and preventing us from moving ahead.  Before we know it we have unconsciously conditioned our thinking.  However we reach a point of breakthrough in our lives when we realise that our way of life is actually harming us, and limiting us.  It is at this moment of breakthrough that we consciously decide to alter out path.  When a battered wife runs out of her marriage and never looks back, or when a heavy smoker throwers their pack in the bin and never touches another cigarette  are both clear evidence that when we take a dedicated conscious decision to change, we override the programming we have done for years.  This re-programming does not require an astronomical amount of effort, just a small shift that takes places within our belief system.  This shift is similar to the small switches in a huge shipping tanker that leaves Portsmouth for Miami.  Once the small switches in the control room are moved ever so slightly, the destination will shift to Venezuela.

The pre-requisite to identifying one’s limiting belief successfully is honesty with one’s self.  To begin with ask yourself what it is you wish to achieve, in other words what’s your goal?  It could be anything, whether losing a stone, starting your own business or meeting your targets at your sales job.  Write down your goal on a clean sheet of paper.  Look at what you’ve written, make sure it’s a realistic goal.  What I mean by realistic is that if you’re a restaurant manager today, and your goal is to buy a Beverly Hills mansion in 12 months – chances are you won’t achieve that unless you win the lottery.  Keep it realistic and doable.  Next, ask yourself the following questions and answer after careful processing and honesty with yourself.

1)     What’s stopping me from achieving this goal ?

2)     Where did this belief come from ?

3)     Who gave you this belief ?

4)     How do you feel about that person? Do you regard them highly and respect them?

5)     What does this belief do for you?

6)     What is this belief costing you?

7)     How will your life be different if you were to let go of this limiting belief?

8)     What concrete evidence do you have to back this belief ?

9)     What is the positive intention behind keeping this limiting belief ?

10) How else can you satisfy this positive intention without relying on this limiting belief ?

These 10 questions are designed to help identify limiting beliefs and their roots to help you gain the clarity you need in order to understand how you’ve come to believe what you do.  Just because we’re hearing about terrorism on the media more than ever before, some people unconsciously have started to believe that all Muslims are evil terrorists.  The simple reason behind this is that our minds tend to generalise circumstances in order to process situations better.  We hear and see things on a daily bases that bombard our unconscious mind with new information.  In order to successfully process such a vast amount of new information the unconscious mind generalizes, distorts and deletes some of that in order to process it more efficiently.  I was recently in a restaurant with a client of mine, and Tom Cruise walked in with some friends.  My client turned around and commented on his vertically challenged stature. I smiled and recalled that our unconscious mind distorts a lot of the information it receives.  Tom has always been this height throughout his career, we just see him bigger than his true size. We also delete and leave out a lot of information.  A person may give you directions to a destination and leave out many pieces of information that another person might include, and vice versa.

Since this is how our mind works, it is important to make a conscious effort and look at things with new perspectives in order to make the most of our world.  So, just because we unsuccessfully attempted a task or goal once, and we felt emotionally bad about it,  our mind generalises this experience by associating pain with it.  Naturally, we start to avoid a second, third or fourth attempt because we believe that we won’t succeed at it.  We believe this because of how our minds work.  It is at this point that we need to challenge ourselves and eliminate failure from our vocabulary.  As mentioned earlier, it is a matter of perspective and in order to learn helpful lessons we must look at successful people and see how they overcame the hurdles they faced.  They merely saw setbacks as lesson, and not failure.  As Richard Branson once said: “ I have learned more from my failures that my successes”.  It is crucial that we persevere with determination and gusto and not doubt ourselves.  Self-belief must come from within, and it can only be achieved once you cleanse your self from the limiting beliefs you’ve piled on over the years.

Copyright © 2005 Positive Health Magazine

By admin | Posted in NLP:Belief | Tagged , | Comments off
Jun142010

Language That Changes Minds

By Coach Taymour | June 14, 2010 | Posted in Coaching, Taymour | Tagged , | Comments off

Language That Changes Minds.

One of the most heartfelt testimonials I recently received from a client was: “Thank you so much, you really are the Jerry McGuire of Life Coaches.” It actually made my day, because although it was a relatively short testimonial compared to what I usually receive; it was potent with meaning and gratitude.  It said so much, yet with a handful of words.  Which brings me to the main theme of this month’s newsletter:  Language That Changes Minds.

The power of language still amazes me, because it has the power to start wars, move nations, create revolutions, motivate a platoon, ignite passion and bring tears of joy to your eyes.  Language is a vehicle that can transport emotions from one end to another.  It can create pictures, sounds, feelings, scents and tastes.

Language can activate and manipulate almost all our sub-modalities resulting in instant change in how we feel.  It can change how we understand the world around us and offer us an array of colours to choose from to paint our feelings, thoughts and emotions on the canvas of our lives.

It can shed light on a dilemma we may be facing, it can change our moods and it can fire us up to complete something we’ve been putting off.  In fact, if you notice how inspirational leaders talk to their audience, they always use animated words that trigger off feelings of unity, vision, drive, purpose and passion.  They carefully choose their words and construct paragraphs like a master craftsman at work.

Most importantly, we can change how we feel by what we say to ourselves and the language we use internally.  Time and time again, some of my clients know what they want and what they have to do to get it.  Unfortunately, there’s a word they always use  that is an energy vampire and that word is: “But”.  Although “But” is used on a regular basis in our everyday casual talk, it can have dampening effects which can alter our path and weaken your dreams.  “But” is a three letter word that can completely undo everything that came before it.

  • “I can book myself the vacation of my dreams, thanks to this year’s bonus, BUT I can’t be bothered with the way airports are these days.
  • “I can lose weight and really get fit again, BUT….”
  • “I really want to write this book I have in mind, BUT…”

Imagine if none of the above sentences had a big “BUT”.  Imagine if those sentences ended before the word “BUT”, and what a different impact they would have.

For the next 72 hours, try going on a “but” fast!  Completely eliminate it from your external and internal dialogue and notice how you feel, notice how you’ll start thinking and pay attention to the change in your motivation.  For the sake of this newsletter, I have only zoomed in on one word (“but”), and there are many more that can ruin moods and dampen dreams.

Let me just finish off with another positive addition you can start doing.

“I can’t change my job,….”  Now add the word “yet” and see how it changes the whole context.  “I can’t change my job yet”.

Use language to change how you feel for the better.  A great way to start is to practice it on friends and family, and notice what powerful changes a few well placed words can do.  Then make it a habit by cleaning your language.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Coaching, Taymour | Tagged , | Comments off
Jun142010

How toxic are you

By Coach Taymour | June 14, 2010 | Posted in Taymour | Tagged , | Comments off

How Toxic Are You?

Have you noticed how sometimes during the week you’re lethargic without a reason?  You may feel awake, but seem to be in a bubble of disassociation. You’re tired after 8 hours of sleep, abnormally clumsy and may even mumble or slur your words without having had a drop of alcohol.  Well, if you’ve experienced any of these symptoms, you are one of millions of people who are exposed to over 1500 energy toxins on a daily basis. Energy toxins work on a subtle level whereby they reverse the electromagnetic polarity we all have as a living beings.  In fact, this polarity can be easily measured using a voltmeter.  What happens once we are exposed to these toxins is a shift in our polarity thus resulting in illness (in extreme cases) and most commonly, anxiety attacks, depression and mood swings.  In some cases a build up of these toxins can lead to hallucinations.  A recent study found that 92% of cancer patients have a reversed polarity.

Toxins can be any of the following:

Perfume             Detergents         Fabric Softener

Air Fresheners     Wheat               Dairy

Soya                  Coffee               Chocolate

Lotions              Hair Spray          Cleaning Products

Hair Gels            Strong Soaps      Make Up

And many more…

Just think of asthma, depression, panic attacks, general anxiety, behaviour shifts in children, cancer, fatigue, some mental illnesses and infertility to name but a few.  These have all been linked to exposure to one or more kinds of toxins.

Our brains are containers and producers of chemicals that make it and the rest of our bodily functions work.  When we’re exposed to synthetic or non-synthetic toxins that don’t agree with us, the natural balance of our chemicals shift and alter the polarity described above thus resulting in disease which can translate into dis-ease.  Even some mentally ill patients who suffered hallucinations, were later found to have high doses of ingested toxic metals (such as lead or mercury) in their blood stream.

There are articles everywhere about how wheat has mutated into something unrecognisable to its original form, not to mention soya, milk and other daily foods that are packed with chemicals to prolong their shelf life.  Air fresheners, perfumed lotions, detergents and other trendy fragrances are all made of synthetic chemicals that are designed to resemble natural lavender, rose, lily of the valley, fern, and many more.  Where do all these chemicals end up?  In our bodies where they can then go on to alter our natural chemistry and electromagnetic polarity which has the potential to result in all sorts of problems.

Think of something as seemingly harmless as your mattress and sofas.  These are likely to be covered in flame retarding compounds such as Polybrominated Diphenyl Ethers (PBDE’s).  In a recent study scientists have found that high doses of PBDE’s in mice and rats interfered with thyroid function, caused reproductive problems and hampered with neurological functioning and development.  I recently had a client who was in a solid marriage, had a fulfilling job and with no unpleasant history, yet she woke up every morning with severe anxiety and panic attacks.  To cut a long story short, I diagnosed that she was toxic to two of her perfumes and her fabric softener.  I saw her again after two weeks having asked her to abstain from her toxins; and low and behold the anxiety vanished.  She is just one of many I have helped thanks to Diagnostic Thought Field Therapy which uses applied Kinesiology and Voice Technology to diagnose toxins.

Another interesting case is Betty Kreeger who will suffer with fits of wheezing, nausea and confusion if she even passes by the cleaning products aisle in her local supermarket.  Such sensitivities are sadly only on the rise.  Children are even suffering from anxiety and depression from as young as 10. Even low levels of mercury which can be found in our tuna, salmon and swordfish can reduce IQ levels in children and cause behaviour problems.

Energy toxins are not just in our foods and drinks, but can also be found in all aspects of the environment in which we live.  From floor cleaners and fabric softeners to that miracle shampoo or the perfume or cologne you were bought for Christmas, we are surrounded by substances that constantly alter our natural chemical balance.  The good news is, you can find out what your energy toxins are and eliminate them from your home and diet.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now and book yourself a full toxin test: 020 7602 5477

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

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Jun142010

Coaching – A Fresh Choice for the 21st Century

By Coach Taymour | June 14, 2010 | Posted in Coaching, Taymour | Tagged | Comments off

I’m sure that most of the readers of this article have a vague idea of what coaching is. But for those who aren’t sure – a coach is a trained and skilled professional who works with clients by offering a completely fresh approach to therapy, or counselling. A coach helps the client by working closely with them to identify their inner goals which is followed by a well thought out and realistic plan to achieve them.

We as humans are ruled by our feelings and emotions that can either make us, or break us. As such we are constantly influenced by external forces that hold us back, diminish our self-worth and throw us off the real track we want to be on. These influences vary so much, that listing them would fill up most of this page, but here are some examples: colleagues at work, your boss, teachers, the adverts on TV, your so called friends who put us down , your partner as well as your family. The worst and most effective factor is yourself. People tend to believe the worst things that are said about themselves, and that’s exactly what goes wrong. Luckily a coach is out of this monotonous and negative circle. As such they are able to see you and your life objectively and without judgment. There are many areas that coaching can help in – relationships, parenting, career, health, stress management, weight loss, time management as well as productivity improvement at work.

Coaches are trained to listen and pick up on key words that you may never think much of, they ask the right questions that can help you not only open up, but rediscover yourself in a fresh and promising way and bring out what you really want to do with your most precious asset – your life.

I, like most of you, was quite unfamiliar with what Life Coaching was all about. After university, I worked in various industries around the world. I worked in sales, trade, oil & gas, distribution and marketing. As the years passed on, I realized that I am meant to do something that I’d enjoy wholeheartedly. From a young age, people fascinated me. I loved discovering and learning all I could about them, and always boosted their self esteem for fun. I read self help books that magnified the human potential, and authors like Dale Carnegie grew to be my best friends. Naturally this innate thirst guided me to discover a new career. I considered counselling as an option, but Life Coaching offered a new angle that I truly identified with. That angle is believing that we are all fully capable beings who CAN and WILL achieve anything we put our minds to.

Research has proven that Life Coaching contributes greatly to ones success and self discovery, but the ultimate decision is yours. We are living in a time that people are becoming more and more aware of how powerful life coaching is, so please stop thinking that it’s only for celebrities. In fact, it is so powerful and effective that multinational blue chip companies are using coaches to improve productivity and stream line their human resources for the 21 st century. Remember, your stars may be aligned, your horoscope may promise you prosperity and the sky may indeed be blue – but you will have no re-action without action. Make that first small step towards reaching your highest goal, and give coaching a chance to change your precious life for the better.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Coaching, Taymour | Tagged | Comments off
Jun142010

Lessons of Fame

By Coach Taymour | June 14, 2010 | Posted in Opinion, Taymour | Comments off

As a person who lived a large portion of his academic life in Los Angeles, I find writing this article quite nostalgic as this month’s theme is celebrities. In reality, celebrities are normal people just like you and I.  They have fears, doubts, insecurities, competition, jealousy, depression, talent, skills, goals and achievements.  The primary difference is that everything they do is magnified and blown up for the world to see thanks to modern technology and the media.  In a world of diminishing substance, celebrities are the new culture (or should I say Pop-Culture) who dictate what’s cool , what’s hot and what’s not and before we know it, we want their hair styles, clothes, diets, noses, attitudes right down to their anti depressants.  Even consumerism is now somewhat dependent on celebrity endorsement to gain new market share.

Having said all that, there are a number of celebrities one can look at with great respect for their talents and achievements.  When Tom Hanks lost all that weight for his role in Cast Away, or how Tom Cruise overcame his limitations with his severe dyslexia and grew into one of the most talented actors of his time, or Madonna who was unknown in the early eighties and grew to be an icon of trends, fashion and music (and in time a Legend). And let us  not forget the Austrian village boy who chiselled himself into being the governor of the world’s sixth largest economy – yes, Arnold Schwarzenegger.   Such people offer us valuable lessons in self belief and inspire us by defying the challenges and obstacles they’ve come across.  They not only have the self belief to achieve their goals, but the imagination to make it happen as well.

The last forty years has been a fascinating time in the field of psychology, for there has been a lot of research done on what makes some people successful and others not. The core and primary difference between such groups is that successful people look at failures as setbacks and bad results they can learn from.  In other words every single time they fell flat on their face, they bounced right back up and re-attempted their goal.  Failures are simply lessons we can learn from.  Feeling victimized and pitying ones self will merely fuel a destructive pattern of behaviour which will dishearten and hurt you.  Even a success such as Richard Branson once said: “ I have learned more from my failures that my successes ”.

So how did Tom Hanks lose all that weight, how did Madonna keep coming back so successfully and how on earth did Arnold pull that off ?  To answer that we must not look at what they did, but rather at what and how they thought.  Thought is the most powerful energy there is. In fact, as you’re reading this article have a look around the room you’re in; everything began with a single thought.  A single thought is like a spark, it has excellent potential but it does need action as a catalyst to materialize it into great results.  After all, as Anatole France puts it: “The rarest courage is the courage of thought”.

The challenge that many people seem to struggle with is putting thoughts into action.  They want things to happen quick and easy, and this is where it all goes pear shape.  The key is to set the right goals for you and not what others expect from you.  Ultimately “The most important choice you make is what you choose to make important” Michael Neill

Here’s what you need to do:

Firstly, to achieve your goals, you must make sure they complement your personal values.  Your values are simply the fibres of your being and the moral compass that points the way for you.  This is crucial because if there is a clash between your goals and values – you will automatically self-sabotage.

Secondly, create a plan of action that is filled with as many options as you possibly can muster.  The more options you have the higher the probability of success.  Get creative and think of all the possible ways for approach.  Remember, Action = Re-Action

Thirdly, look at a failure as a bad result you can learn from and not the end result.  Remember, if your plans, tactics and strategies are failing – you’re not ! Simply change your approach and stay flexible and committed.  As WF Amos once said: “Commitment lets you know that failure is not failure, but an idea on its way to success”.

Fourthly,  feel responsible and not detached when tackling your goals. Remember, the price of greatness is responsibility, so take it and be methodical in your approach, but make sure you enjoy the process.  You’ll perform better if you do it with heart and optimism.

Finally,  It is much better to aim for a “good enough” result, rather than a “perfect” one. The “good enough” result usually ends up being better than the perfect one, because when we aim at a realistic target, we usually surprise ourselves with the result we achieve.  Note that if you want to run 1000 Kilometres, it is better to run 1 Kilometre a thousand times.  Believe it and you’ll do it.

There is much we can learn from celebrities, how to achieve, how to overcome obstacles and how to enjoy life and have a laugh while working hard at what we’re doing.  Every sub-culture has weaknesses and demons we best avoid;  in this case superficiality and professional lying otherwise known as acting; as well as lessons we can learn from and apply to our own lives.  Lessons such as will power and imagination.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

Article first published in Enigma Magazine www.enigma-mag.com

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Opinion, Taymour | Comments off
Jun142010

A Super Summer Attitude

By Coach Taymour | June 14, 2010 | Posted in Opinion, Taymour | Tagged , | Comments off

Summer time feels almost as though the forces of nature press the slow motion button on the DVD player of life.  It is about taking things slow and enjoying the lazy hazy and crazy pace of Summer;  a time to reflect, re-charge and refresh.  Geographically speaking, Summer is when the sun is at its highest point in the sky.  Since the beginning of time, the sun has been a source of light, life, warmth and joy – it’s what automatically helps our moods improve and focus on the bright side of life; literally.  Summer typically is about hot days by the beach drinking a long ice cold drink, barbecues, friends and family, laughs and a time of euphoric peace as we watch the world go by.  It’s a time to sit back and allow our minds and bodies to shift down a gear or two to let go and regain the strength it needs to gain focus and clarity on our direction in life.  Furthermore, it is the ideal time to gather as many happy mental pictures, sounds and feeling we can bring back with us to re-access when we need them.  It’s a time for truly feeling alive, which reminds me of something Howard Thurman once said: “Don’t ask what the world needs – ask what makes you come alive and go and do that.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive”.

Whether we’re travelling abroad for a short break, or driving twenty minutes to a location that puts us into a state of mental Summer existence i.e. the park or beach; it boils down to one vital  element – ATTITUDE.

Attitude by definition is: a position of the body, manner of carrying oneself or a state of mind or a feeling, and it’s the main ingredient for constructive change in any area of one’s life.  I recently attended a seminar where John LaValle, who’s the President of the Society of NLP, got up to speak.  He said that most people complain to him and say: “John, you have an attitude problem”.  His immediate reply to them is always: “ It’s not that I have an attitude problem, I just have attitude. Go get yourself one”.  Attitude is similar to having a firm and straight iron rod that constantly supports your back.  Your attitude should be your constant source of strength, support and approach to life.  Attitude should be a place where you constantly access positive and helpful thoughts that guide you when facing a challenge.  Even William James said: “A human being can alter his life by altering his attitude”.

If you want to truly enjoy your summer and make the best of it, let your attitude be the pillar that supports your approach to everyday life.  Research has proven that when the mind is relaxed and at ease, the left (logical, mathematical and rational) brain hemisphere and the right (creative, artistic and imaginative) brain hemisphere communicate better, thus allowing the person to come up with fantastic ideas and plans.  How many stressed, tense and bored people do you know who come up with innovative solutions to complex problems – personal or non ?  Chanced are : no one.

As such, being serious, responsible and hard working is equally as important as having fun, laughing, relaxing and enjoying some time out of the usual routine, and Summertime is the ideal time to do this thanks to its slower pace.  So allow yourself  to drift off into your very capable unconscious mind to bring back some of the valuable resources you can benefit from, this can only be done when you let go and enjoy what life has to offer.

Moreover, make sure you don’t corrupt your precious Summer with petty insecurities and social superficialities that lead to competitive tension and stress. This is a time to enjoy and detach from the everyday stressful routine.  Even if you’re not travelling abroad for a vacation, make sure you dedicate at least an afternoon to the sole purpose of relaxing and re-charging those mental and physical batteries.

Finally, I’d like to share with you what Michael Neill refers to as:

The Five Rules of HAPPINESS:

1) If you like something, enjoy it.

2) If you don’t like something – avoid it.

3) If you don’t like something, and you can’t or won’t avoid it – change it.

4) If you don’t like something, and you can’t or won’t change it – accept it.

5) There are no rules for being happy  – just be happy [life is too short].

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Opinion, Taymour | Tagged , | Comments off
Jun142010

The Spirit Within

By Coach Taymour | June 14, 2010 | Posted in Opinion, Taymour | Tagged | Comments off

It never ceases to amaze me when I’ve heard self-proclaimed atheists cry: “Oh My God !” in moments of terrible fear and great pleasure.  No matter how we advertise ourselves or live our lives, we always have an innate spiritual side that requires honest nurturing.  I recently read a book for the second time after five years and learned more from it the second time around.  Then it occurred to me – the book had not changed, but I did. As the old saying goes: “The only constant in life is change”.  We just have to make sure we change and grow in a healthy direction.  One paramount area that strengthens that growth is our spiritual self.

Whether we pray, meditate or just talk to God late at night or in the middle of traffic, we are nurturing our spiritual self. Spirituality is about broadening your understanding of the divine, it is about striving for internal self improvement and connecting to God on a personal level that nourishes your soul and strengthens your belief against the darkness that is in constant battle with the light.  What better way to do this than shake off our ignorance that binds us in anger, hate, depression, hopelessness and prejudice.  As the great Sufi Poet, Rumi puts it:

“Love of God is rooted in our knowledge of God.  When did ignorance lead to true love?  Such ignorance is the cause of our banishment and prevents us drawing near to Him”.

Every major religion on this planet has time dedicated to inner reflection, prayer (or meditation) and looking within to find the divine and the inner wisdom that we seek outside.  Every single day we are faced with choices that may seem shrouded in triviality, but the reality is that these choices are important decisions that shape our future, peace of mind, quality of life and conscience.  Even Khalil Gibran once said that: “Your daily life is your temple and your religion”, because it is in the quality of our daily life that we demonstrate our acknowledgement of the divine and make every effort to get closer to him.  The decisions we make, the values we place on moral principles, our interactions with our fellow human beings and how much worth we place on material goods are all reflections of our life message.

As such, taking time out to dedicate some inner contemplation and reflection on how we are living our lives exhibits an effort to nurture our  desire for growth.  According to Susan Jeffers: “If we learn and grow from our mistakes, then they aren’t mistakes”, but mere lessons that contribute to our mental and spiritual evolution.

In an age where our technology has far surpassed our humanity, we must dedicate more time and effort in closing this unfortunate gap by questioning our own perceptions, values and actions.  The formula to self sabotage and inevitable unhappiness  is when we set goals and try to live our lives by disregarding our inner values.  Our values are simply the inner compass that points the way ahead, we just have to check our compass every once in a while to make sure that our everyday life truly reflects our values; for it is through this alignment that we can achieve progress.  Furthermore, we must evaluate our priorities, and since they do change regularly, we may want to adjust our direction here and there to live a more balanced life.  After all, we are not here to suffer and breed pessimism.  We are here to grow on a journey of continuous learning, and as a specie we always learn better when we are positive, hopeful and strong.

If you’re not quite happy with the way the world is, remember that you are an importance cell in this giant organism called the world, and as Mahatma Ghandi eloquently puts it: “You must be the change you wish to see in the world”. If you’re upset at world politics for lacking love and compassion – be more loving.  If you’re angry at how superficial societies can be – be genuine.  And if you feel tense about unpleasant outcomes beyond your control – smile with a light heart and let go, because happiness sometimes comes through doors you didn’t even know you left open.

Finally,  let us remember that your spiritual life is also part of your private life.  How you evolve and nurture it is a private matter between you and the divine,  and the stepping stone to any form of growth is intention, because energy always flows in the direction of your intention.

We’re endowed with the gift of free will.  It is in our choices and decisions that we reflect what lies in our hearts.  Let us reflect it well.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Opinion, Taymour | Tagged | Comments off
Jun142010

The Power of Belief

By Coach Taymour | June 14, 2010 | Posted in Coaching, NLP:Belief, Taymour | Tagged , | Comments off

By definition, a belief is a principle accepted as true or real without proof or concrete evidence. However, a coach’s understanding of a belief is much deeper and different than an average person. A belief is a thought and idea that people do not question – some may not even be aware of them at all. So how on earth do beliefs take shape? How do we believe certain things over others? The answer is quite simple really. Beliefs are shaped by a variety of forces, forces such as our parents and family, religion, socio-economic background, education, the friends we socialize with, teachers, the media and our cultural background to name but a few. What is a belief? Simply a repeated thought that evolves into a belief then manifests itself into behaviour. Phrases such as : All Muslims are terrorists, Oh I’m a terrible presenter, my will power is hopeless, Mondays are always horrible, or I’m a loser are all phrases we pick up from the world around us. The fascinating thing is that the human unconscious mind is like an innocent little child that does not negate – everything it hears gets stored. Don’t believe me ? Try this:

Whatever you do in the next 5 seconds – DO NOT think of a GREEN EGG. Don’t ! Think of anything but a GREEN EGG … .. I’m willing to bet vital parts of my anatomy that you already thought of a GREEN EGG.!

This is how absorbing and uncontrollable your unconscious mind is. Our beliefs are the most powerful force that govern our attitudes, outlook and actions. A belief can be such a powerful thing that it can affect our posture, mannerism, motivation as well as our work performance, and relationships. You may pass by the magazine isle at the supermarket, and your visual mind gets bombarded by images of size 8 women with flawless skin that has been digitally enhanced and air-brushed. Or you may be driving and think of balancing your cheque book, then remember a time in your math class when the teacher embarrassed you with a harsh comment when you answered a question wrong. These two example can sound rather trivial, but if you focus on them long enough, and repeat them to yourself often, you will grow to BELIEVE that the way a beautiful woman must look is like that model on the magazine, and that you cannot add 7+4 ! The really frightening thing is that some beliefs are so strong that they influence our lives to the point of misery. Negative beliefs result in limiting beliefs that greatly influence our potential and performance in a variety of areas, not to mention self-esteem, relationships, stress and ambitions we brush under the rug because we fear failure. Fear of failure (which in my experience is the root of all underachievement) is a sad result of limiting beliefs. We avoid attempting our dreams because we believe we’re not good enough. Going back to my first paragraph, a belief is a principle accepted as true or real without proof or concrete evidence.

Unfortunately, most people are oblivious to their limiting beliefs, they carry on doing the same thing, but expecting different outcomes when the core issue is their own repeated pattern of thinking that governs their actions. This reminds me of a client I once had who for purpose of confidentiality I shall refer to him as Mr. Red. Mr. Red was an extremely educated and well seasoned gentleman who never asked for a raise, nor did he ever strive to earn more than what he deserved. As our sessions progressed, he came to realize that he believed that an abundance of money was not Catholically sound, and that due to his strict religious upbringing he viewed too much money as evil. Naturally, we worked on this limiting belief, and he now views abundance of money as a chance to provide for his loving family, community and the charities he was involved in. He is now much happier with himself, and his abilities.

In a way, beliefs are the little switches in the control room of a huge shipping tanker. If you were to give them a little turn, your destination can change from Miami to Rio De Janeiro. The same applies to ones everyday limiting beliefs, if one is to re-examine them through effective questioning, one can make grand changes to the quality of their lives and their unlimited potential.

In my next article I shall provide you with tools and techniques that can help you evaluate and liberate yourself from your limiting beliefs, and start living a freer life that can bring out your true potential. After all, as George Bernard Shaw once said: “Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself”.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Coaching, NLP:Belief, Taymour | Tagged , | Comments off
Jun142010

Changing Your Beliefs

By Coach Taymour | June 14, 2010 | Posted in NLP:Belief, Taymour | Tagged , , | Comments off

We previously looked at how our beliefs are shaped and how powerful our limiting beliefs can be in preventing us from achieving our desired goals. Let us take a closer look at how we pile on these limiting beliefs and how we can get rid of them.

As the old saying goes: “The pen is mightier than the sword” couldn’t be more accurate; words can ignite or extinguish our feelings of guilt, shame, weakness, joy, excitement, love or motivation. Words are a collection of letters that simply formulate a name or meaning. However, the power that words have on our conscious as well as unconscious mind can be quite underestimated. Words such as: Sicily, Mondays or Divorce may have totally different meanings to different people. To some, Sicily may mean a beautiful island with rich history and fantastic food, whereas to someone else – organized crime. Likewise, Mondays may mean the start of the working week and lots of work to some people, but to most hairdressers, it’s their day off. Divorce, may ignite feelings of liberation for some, and to others – heartache. It is our experiences that make us think a certain way. Our experiences include our upbringing, education, social life and even the friends we socialize with. It is our experiences that mould our beliefs into what we are. Our beliefs are the windows we see the world through. Naturally as time goes by, this window gets smudged and may very well influence our outlook on the world we live in. This does not mean that we are not capable of seeing clearly, it simply means that we have the power and capability to cleans our beliefs from time to time.

As a species we are only born with two natural instinct: a) Our reaction to a laude bang (or sound) and b) Our reflex when we fall. Everything else is learned. We learn to adapt to our culture, we learn and develop our values that give weight and importance to different things around us and we also learn to limit ourselves. This limitation is an accumulation of things we hear and see in the world around us that make us feel a certain way. If you’re 14 years old and you come home with an “F” in history, and the immediate comment you hear is: “You stupid lazy idiot” from a parent or sibling ; your unconscious mind will store that and accept it – remember that your unconscious does not negate. Or the way the media systematically bombards you with horrible headlines such as “Woman Stabbed Two Blocks From Her Home ! “ install fear in your heart and drain your gusto for life. We grow to think and behave the way we do because we learn to think and behave the way we do. So when we run into a very insecure man who lacks the confidence to look people in the eye, we have to realize that this man was not born this way. He simply learned that he’s unworthy and small from the world he lives in. He probably was a very loving, happy and positive young man one day, but through his experiences and exposures he simply shrunk into believing his worth. The result of this behaviour is his belief. And as mentioned above, our beliefs take shape based on the outside influences that shape our outlook. Our beliefs dictate how well we perform, interact, grow our businesses and spot opportunities. Ironically, what we believe has a greater affect on us than the truths that surround us, and this is precisely why we see very attractive people who believe that they aren’t. They lose more weight, they have more plastic surgeries and buy the latest fashion in order to convince themselves that they are sexy. All they really need to do is change their beliefs. On the other hand there are lots of extremely confident, charming and well spoken people who have an excellent sense of humour who aren’t necessarily endowed with facial beauty, but they are described as sexy and attractive by their opposite gender.

Our beliefs govern the quality of our lives. It is our beliefs that can propel us into achievements and successes, or hold us back. The great news is that since beliefs are learned, they can be unlearned, and re-learned in new ways. A beliefs can be so powerful that they can actually influence our bodily reactions. Think of Shaolin Monks who lie on sharp spears, think of people with multiple personality disorder who can shift from person to person convincingly using their body, tone of voice and preferences. The power of human potential and limitation lies within the beliefs that they have learned.

Our unconscious has an unbelievable amount of information to deal with every minute – 2,000,000 pieces of information to be exact. As such, it creates filters to sift through all that is coming in, in order to process information more efficiently. Thus the unconscious mind deletes, distorts and generalizes some of the many information that it has to process. So when Mr.X wants to give directions to someone else, he may leave some information out that that Mr.Y might have included, or vice versa – deletion. I recently had client of mine who saw Tom Cruise and was shocked to find him so vertically challenged. Now we all know that Mr. Cruise hadn’t shrunk, my client simply became aware of how she distorted the information that she saw on film. Moreover, If you travel to Greece and have a horrid time, chances are you’ll avoid Greece on your next holidays. Reason being is that your unconscious mind generalizes to protect you from a possible repeat experience. This is exactly why when some people try once or twice and get a bad result, they give up because their unconscious mind associated that task to bad emotions. They simply focused on the short term outcome rather than the goal in mind, or the belief in their vision.

The perspective we use determines the outcome of out actions, and our perspectives can sometimes limit us as they are co-dependent on out beliefs. This brings us back to whether the glass is half full or half empty. Reality is a rather funny thing, as there never really is just one reality. Some may say that London is an overpriced city with rude people and terrible air quality. Others may say that London is a very vibrant city with lots to do and opportunities on tap. It is the reality we choose to focus on that can influence our beliefs either positively or negatively. If I am about to start my own business in London, and start to feed myself contaminated language about the city; chance are that I won’t be very motivated and fired up to get my business very far. On the other hand, if I continually remind myself about the vast opportunities that exist around me, my outlook will shift. Remember, clean language = clean beliefs.

The pre-requisite to identifying one’s limiting belief successfully is honesty with one’s self. To begin with ask yourself what it is you wish to achieve, in other words what’s your goal? It could be anything, whether losing a stone, starting your own business or meeting your targets at your sales job. Write down your goal on a clean sheet of paper. Look at what you’ve written, make sure it’s a realistic goal. What I mean by realistic is that if you’re a restaurant manager today, and your goal is to buy a Beverly Hills mansion in 12 months – chances are you won’t achieve that unless you win the lottery. Keep it realistic and doable. Next, ask yourself the following questions and answer after careful processing and honesty with yourself. Remember, no one is judging your answers, and nor should you. Simply allow the answers to flow and let the awareness occur with ease rather than resentment.

What’s stopping me from achieving this goal ?

Where did this belief come from ?

Who gave you this belief ?

How do you feel about that person? Do you regard them highly and respect them?

What does this belief do for you?

What is this belief costing you?

How will your life be different if you were to let go of this limiting belief?

What concrete evidence do you have to back this belief ?

What is the positive intention behind keeping this limiting belief ?

How else can you satisfy this positive intention without relying on this limiting belief ?

These 10 questions are designed to help identify limiting beliefs and their roots to help you gain the clarity you need in order to understand how you’ve come to believe what you do. Just because you’ve been believing something for years doesn’t make it true, nor should you hold on to it for purposes of habit. It is habit that has been holding you back, and it is habit that nurtures your limiting belief. To achieve this simple change, you must be determined and take the decision to change as quick as you order a Lasagne in a restaurant. A decision can happen in a fraction of a moment and place you on a new path to winning – and “winning always starts with beginning”.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

By Coach Taymour | Posted in NLP:Belief, Taymour | Tagged , , | Comments off
Jun142010

The Tree of Love

By Coach Taymour | June 14, 2010 | Posted in Coaching, Taymour | Tagged | Comments off

Imagine you have an orange tree.  This tree  provides you with a very nutritious fruit that has lots of vitamin C, it is high in dietary fibre, it can be eaten, juiced and drunk,  it’s peel can be used to infuse sauces and turned into a delicious bitter sweet jam (also known as Marmalade).  It can also be candied and dipped in chocolate and even its oil is used in aromatherapy to energize and rejuvenate.  In fact, the orange is one of the most underappreciated fruits on this planet.  Its uses are many, and its nutritional value is great, yet we take for granted how precious this unique fruit really is.

Now here’s the hard part. Imagine for a moment that the collective love in your life (whether from family members, your dog, colleagues or your beloved) is that orange tree you read about in the paragraph above.  The orange tree, like love is both fragile and strong.  It needs to be in a warm climate, in healthy soil, with lots of sunshine and the proper nurturing to bare an abundance of fruit.  Love also needs to be among warm hearts (climate), it needs the occasional expression whether a compliment, a card or a simple “I Love You Too!” (Sunshine) and most importantly, it needs to be a partnership of equality between the lover and the beloved – this can also apply to a mother and her child or a man and his wife.  This partnership is about giving and receiving.  It’s about caring, sharing, appreciating, expressing, and feeling somewhat responsible for the other person (comparatively speaking, just like water for the orange tree).  Finally we come to the three most important pillars that support “Love”, they are honesty, respect and clarity of communication – compare these three areas to the soil that always supports the orange tree and keeps it alive and healthy.  Jan Blaustone, who’s the author of The Joy of Parenthood puts it beautifully:

“The best security blanket a child can have is parents who respect each other.”

Here are a few tips on ways you can express yourself to those you love:

1)     As the old saying goes: “The best things in life are free”, and without spending any money, you can offer the precious gift of a poem or a heartfelt letter that uses the appropriate words to stir the emotions of the reader.  It’s all about creating a positive change in feelings and words have always been a timeless tool.  A warm and sincere hug combined with the above can also work wonders.

2)     Research.  Start taking mental notes on what the other person is into.  It could be a scarf they liked, they may love orchids over roses which you might want to consider, or even a particular spot with a romantic view they love where you can arrange a picnic under the stars.  The bottom line is, keep your eyes and ears open to learn more about how to create that special night.  Be creative !

3)     Just because your beloved is NOT the expressive type doesn’t mean they don’t feel – they just might have trouble expressing their feelings.  So look for ways they are expressing their feeling and let them know that you appreciate it.  My father never expressed his feelings verbally, but I never doubted his love, because I knew his actions were louder and more penetrating than any greeting card or letter.  Sometimes it’s about what you do, and not just what you say.  Think of a time someone stood up for you in an argument, or a time they defended you in your absence and you later found out – that gesture can be more expressive and from the heart than a diamond tennis bracelet.  So keep an open mind and appreciate.

4)     Take this opportunity to re-build the bridges you unintentionally burned.  This is a day to forgive and move on, it is a time to open your heart and grow spiritually.  Cleanse yourself and others of grudges, past shortcomings and contained anger.  Express your desire to forgive and move on by letting them know through a genuine gift, card, flowers or even a knock on the door to surprise them with a hug. Forgive and move on, because you’re not in a position to judge; even Mother Teresa talked about this: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

5)     Love yourself, but don’t be arrogant and proud.  It is vital that you grow to love yourself, because how you treat yourself signals to people around you how you want to be treated.  If you put yourself down, and constantly underestimate your qualities, people WILL treat you like that.  After all, people usually mirror communication, so set the benchmark on how you wish to be treated.  If you act, talk and behave exactly how you wish to be treated, people will give in.  This is not just a day to express feelings to ones you care about, but also a day to appreciate your own uniqueness and attributes.  Only then will you be loved to the level you deserve.

Treat your loved ones like the orange tree that provides us with so many bounties.  Remember to care, nurture and maintain your tree of love, because love is always worth it.

Until Next Time……Live Don’t Just Exist.

Call now to book an appointment

Tel:  +44 (0)207 602 5477

taymour@guiding-light.net

By Coach Taymour | Posted in Coaching, Taymour | Tagged | Comments off